Sunday, January 24, 2010

Jessica's Ass

I didn’t know what to say. My mind went blank for a minute. I took a sip of my beer and felt better.
“Go fuck yourself”, I said. “Grab your shit and get the fuck out of my goddamn house!” I was an asshole.
“Fuck you! You call yourself a man? You’re a low-life! You don’t have what it takes to be a man!”
“I am more of a man than anyone you’ve ever been with! You’re just a whore! I bet you were a whore in high school! I bet you were a whore when your daddy read you stories as a little girl!”
“You’re disgusting! I hate you! I hate you! I wish I never met you!” She stormed out with only half of her belongings. As the door shut I imagined a coffin closing. I need her. I love her. I finished my beer and went to bed.
I woke up the next morning to the phone ringing.
“I need to get the rest of my things.”
“What for?”
“I’m moving into Jessica’s apartment for a while.”
“Jessica’s a skank.”
“See! You can’t go 2 minutes without acting like an asshole!”
“You need people like me!” I yelled. “To point your fucking fingers, and say…”
“Just stop it! I’ll be by in an hour and I would like it if you weren’t there!” She hung up.
Interesting, I thought, being told to leave my own house. I walked into the bathroom to take a piss. Before lifting the toilet seat I looked into the mirror, “Asshole,” I said. I flushed, washed my hands and combed my hair and slowly made it into the kitchen. I knew I wouldn’t be able to eat anything because of the hangover so I gathered up all the beer bottles from the night before and poured the remaining beer from each of them into a glass. I was broke. I could apply to jobs that I didnt want; I could work for companies that I didnt have to work for; I could even go to school and end up making more than three people make combined; but whats the point? I was content collecting unemployment cheques and having just enough money for alcohol, cigarettes, and some food. I mainly ate sliced bread folded with beans stuffed into the middle. On Sundays I'd walk to the local shelter and pretend I was homeless to get a couple cans of beans for free. It was worth the effort.
I could hear someone struggling to open the front door for a few seconds and then it opened.
"I thought I told you not to be here."
"What’s the matter, no hello?"
"After all the shit you've done to me, you think you deserve a hello?"
"How bout a blowjob?"
"Ugh, you're hopeless." She walked into the bedroom.
"How long are you going to stay at Jessica's for?" I asked. She didnt answer. "Do you think you could lend me a little bit of cash to get me through the day?"
She walked back into the living room with the rest of her things. "You mean to get you drunk for the day?"
"No. Why do you always have to be so aggressive? Here, have a sip of my beer, its fresh."
"Why do you always have to be so drunk?"
"Im not drunk. A man has to eat and I dont get my cheque until tomorrow morning. Im starving."
"Fine," she said. "This is all the cash I have." She handed me $20.
"You see, we fight and fight over nothing. Add a little money into the mix, and were fine," I said.
"No. Were far from fine and we dont fight over nothing. We fight because you're an asshole and all you do is sit on you're goddamn couch drinking beer. I cant take it anymore."
"I think you just need to relax. Youre too up tight."
"I'm not up tight! I just cant take anymore of your shit! I have to go. Jessica is waiting outside in the car."
"Jessica is here? Well tell her to come inside! You know how much I like her ass. Plus, I heard she puts out."
"You're awful!" she screamed. "Just awful! Jessica hates you, she always has! I hate you! Most of your friends hate you!" She walked out and shut the door. I didnt imagine a coffin this time. I sat back on the couch and finished the glass of beer. I thought of Jessica's ass.

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