tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16954910579542571052024-02-08T02:43:05.548-08:00Tales Of VanityLet me start off by saying these tales are for the vain and the selfish. It will be for all the assholes, the dickheads, and the women degrading egomaniacs to enjoy. And of course, for the ladies that want to know what men really think of them... the same women who will end up strongly considering becoming lesbians.Nick Vanettihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04843212637161513878noreply@blogger.comBlogger25125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1695491057954257105.post-45809507316081139192011-02-17T13:12:00.001-08:002011-02-17T13:35:57.892-08:00The Liquor BarnI was almost out of money again. I had just enough to get me by another week before I'd be forced to find a job. I hated work. We work more than we actually live in our lifetime. Not me though; I wasn't going to live like that. I decided a long time ago to live day by day; hour by hour; minute by minute. It was less stressful.<br />
I heard a soft knock on my door as I buttered my toast in the kitchen.<br />
"Nick, you in there?" <br />
"I'm here," I said.<br />
"Can you open the door?"<br />
"Luke?"<br />
"Yeah, can you open the door already?"<br />
"What's wrong with your hands?"<br />
He opened the door and came in.<br />
"It's always open; you know that," I told him.<br />
"Well, you never know."<br />
"Never know what?"<br />
"I dont know. You could think it's someone trying to rob you."<br />
"You'd only get hit with a lamp. What's wrong, you can't take a lamp against your skull? Get it together."<br />
He laughed. "Well, I guess if it's you swinging the lamp. I could take a sledgehammer to the head if it was swung by you. Look, you can barely hold that knife up to butter your toast."<br />
"It's been a long night."<br />
"Where's the woman?"<br />
"She already left. Hopefully she doesn't find her way back."<br />
"She's too good for you anyways."<br />
"They all are. Have you ever been with a woman you actually deserved?"<br />
"What do you mean?"<br />
"We completely defile women . We take them home, get their clothes off, put a dick in their mouth, in their cunt, in their ass; suck on their tits. Do we deserve that?"<br />
"I guess not."<br />
"Exactly, but they enjoy it. They actually enjoy a cock being shoved in their mouth. They enjoy being bent over, with their hair being pulled back. They're just like wild animals. Next time you see a nicely dressed, wall street type broad, look a little closer. She appears to be intelligent and educated; the type of woman you'd have to go out with for a month just to see some nipple. But just think, she's no different than any other girl. She gets a dick shoved in her mouth, she gets bent over a table, she gets fucked like an animal."<br />
"So, we deserve it then?"<br />
"No, we don't deserve it; but we get to have it anyways."<br />
"Just like everything else."<br />
"Pretty much. So, what did you come here for, enlightenment?"<br />
"I came to see if you wanted to check out this new liquor store that opened up down the street."<br />
"What's wrong with the one accross the parking lot?"<br />
"I heard this new one has some pretty wild shit in there. Apparently it's like a circus filled with booze."<br />
"That doesn't sound good."<br />
"It's real cheap though."<br />
"That sounds good."<br />
"Cheap liquor always sounds good. Whenever cheap and liquor are together in the same sentence, I get a hard on."<br />
"Like a cheap, liquored up whore?"<br />
"Sounds like you're describing my girlfriend; so no, that doesn't sound good."<br />
"She is a freak though, you've got to give her that."<br />
"Yeah, she'll take it any way I can bend her."<br />
"We should all be so lucky. Anyways, I need to take a shower. Grab a beer from the fridge."<br />
"Got anything stronger?"<br />
"You know where it is," I said, as I walked down the hall and into the bathroom.<br />
"What about your toast?" <br />
"Throw it out!" <br />
<br />
I got out of the shower, got dressed, and came into the living room. Luke was sitting on the couch drinking my whiskey and reading the newspaper.<br />
"Pour me a glass," I said.<br />
"There's not much left."<br />
"Give me yours then." He handed me his glass and I finished it quickly. "Alright, I'm ready," I said.<br />
"Who's driving?"<br />
"Let's walk. I need some fresh air to clear this hangover."<br />
"Some pussy would help too."<br />
"One thing at a time, Luke."<br />
We walked down the street and passed a cigar back and forth. It was a nice day. The sun was shining, people were out jogging, laughing, smiling; it made me sick. I watched the cars drive by and thought about where the people might be going. Most of them were probably headed to work, which made me feel a bit better. We walked a little more, crossed the street, finished the cigar, and finally made it to the liquor store. I stood in front and looked up at the sign. It was huge with flashing lights moving around "The Liquor Barn".<br />
"Looks pretty wild," I said.<br />
"Reminds me of Vegas."<br />
"There better not be any fucking clowns inside."<br />
"Maybe there's strippers?"<br />
We quickly walked through the front door, hoping to see some tits. There were more flashing lights. Techno was blasting out of huge speakers stuck to the roof, which turned my minor headache into a full migraine.<br />
"I'm getting out of here," I said.<br />
"Wait! We haven't even bought any booze yet."<br />
"I'm going to fucking kill somebody if I stay here any longer."<br />
"Chill out Nick. Head over to the back, I see some beer in a fridge."<br />
I looked over and saw a big fridge, with a BEER sign flashing.<br />
"Grab 24 of them. I'll grab some whiskey and pay for it," Luke said.<br />
"I don't see any tits."<br />
"Looks like it's just a bunch of lights and music."<br />
"If hell exists, I'm sure it's exactly like this."<br />
Just as I started heading towards the beer, a woman in a bikini on roller blades flew right in front of me.<br />
"If you want me you’ve got to catch me!" she shouted.<br />
I stood there for a moment and tried to figure out what the hell was going on.<br />
"Go get her!" Luke yelled.<br />
"This is fucked up," I said, and walked quickly towards the back where she was headed. <br />
There were hay stacks all over and robotic horses and bulls running along the walls. This was too much to handle with a hangover. I weaved around the hay stacks and past a large amount of wine all the way to the back. She was nowhere to be seen. I kept heading back, deeper and deeper into the abyss. The techno was getting louder and the robotic horses began making sounds. The bulls started going faster and faster and my headache got worse and worse. Finally she came out from behind a big stack of hay. She didn't have her roller blades on anymore.<br />
"First time here?" she asked.<br />
"And hopefully my last," I said.<br />
"Aww, I wouldn't say that just yet. You haven't even had any fun!" She started walking towards me, undoing the top of her bikini.<br />
I stepped back and sat on a small haystack, hoping to either get laid or get killed.<br />
"Is this really a liquor store?" I asked.<br />
"No, it most certainly is not."<br />
"What is it?"<br />
"It's The Liquor Barn!" she yelled, and threw the top of her bikini at me.<br />
I reached over and grabbed a bottle of wine, opened it, and had a drink. <br />
"Hey now, you're going to have to pay for that baby boy," she said.<br />
"And what about you?"<br />
"Oh, little ol' me? I'm free baby. I'm just a part of the show!"<br />
She hopped onto my lap and threw her chest in my face. My headache was instantly cured. I pulled my head out from between her tits and took my shirt off. She got off my lap and grabbed my pants.<br />
"These are coming off!" she shouted.<br />
I reached to grab her bikini bottom and pull it down but she slapped my hand away.<br />
"That's not for you baby! You get my tits and my mouth," she said as she giggled.<br />
This is the best liquor store I've ever been to, I thought. I lit a cigarette and watched the top of her head as she went to work.<br />
<br />
Luke was standing at the front desk, talking to the cashier.<br />
"This place is pretty cool," he said. "What do I owe you for the whiskey?"<br />
"Nothing," the cashier told him.<br />
"What do you mean nothing?"<br />
"First time's free."<br />
"Shit, I love this place."<br />
"Everybody does."<br />
"My buddy is just grabbing some beer from the fridge. I'm not sure what's taking him so long."<br />
"Maybe he’s talking to that girl."<br />
"The chick on the roller blades?"<br />
"That's right. She came in just before you guys did."<br />
"Hopefully he’s convinced her to come home with us."<br />
Before Luke could say anything more he had a silenced gun against his head by a masked man. He turned slowly, confused from the shock, and saw that another masked man had a shotgun held up to the cashiers face.<br />
"UNLOAD THE FUCKING REGISTER!" screamed the one with the shotgun.<br />
"QUICKLY!" yelled the other one. "Don’t fucking move," he told Luke. "Don't you fucking move. You want to be a wise guy, huh, you want to be a fucking wiseguy!?" <br />
"Calm down!" the other one said. "I'm getting the fucking money!"<br />
"I don't like this guy, man! I don't fucking like this guy!"<br />
"Chill out," Luke said. "I'm just standing here. I'm not going to do anything."<br />
The one by the cashier took his shotgun and cracked it across the cashier's face, knocking him unconscious. <br />
"What the hell did you do that for?" Luke asked, with a frightened tone.<br />
"This guy needs to get it man! He's begging for it! Let's do him now! Let's do him fast!"<br />
"Go ahead," said the one with the shotgun.<br />
<br />
The girl in the bikini finally finished me off. The techno was still blasting and the animals were still going in circles. I was lost inside this place, and I didn't know if I was ever getting out.<br />
"Now make sure you pay for that wine!" she told me, as she put her roller blades and bikini top on.<br />
"Can you bring a 24 case up front for me?"<br />
"Do I look like a slave?"<br />
"Don't you work here?"<br />
She rolled on by me and smiled. "You're cute. I'll see you around, baby boy."<br />
I finished the bottle of wine and stuffed it into a haystack. I put another two bottles underneath my left arm, and picked up a 24 case of beer with my right hand. I staggered to the front and dropped the wine bottles when I saw what appeared to be a massacre.<br />
"Jesus!" I yelled. Luke was lying on the ground in a pool of blood, with part of his head missing. I leaned over the counter and the cashier was also on the ground, with all of his head still intact. This place is definitely hell, I thought. I looked around the room, gazing off into the flashing lights, the horse, the bull, the speakers, Luke's corpse, when suddenly the whiskey aisle caught my eye. I started thinking of this situation in a positive way. I quickly grabbed a couple bags and filled them with whiskey, vodka, rum, and gin. I grabbed some more wine since the other ones broke on the floor. I put all the bags by the front door, turned and looked at Luke's body; poor guy. I ran over, took out his wallet, and grabbed the cash in it. I made my way behind the counter and grabbed the money from the cashier's wallet as well. This is some liquor store, I thought. I stood by the front door for a second, lit a cigarette, picked up all the bags, and walked out. Just before crossing the street I watched a convertible drive by with two men and a woman in it. I looked a little closer as the woman turned towards me; it was the girl in the bikini. I crossed the street and didn't think anything of it. I guess I won't have to get a job next week after all.Nick Vanettihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04843212637161513878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1695491057954257105.post-43221953567300684232011-02-16T11:53:00.001-08:002011-02-16T11:53:27.918-08:00Why Bother?I showed up late for a friend's Birthday<br />
Party, against<br />
all my instincts.<br />
"Where have you been?"<br />
"I had a few <br />
drinks."<br />
"You had a few drinks?"<br />
"I had to."<br />
"You had to have <br />
a few drinks?"<br />
"Listen, I didnt want to come to <br />
this party,<br />
but I came anyways."<br />
"Is that supposed to make <br />
me feel better?"<br />
"You know what would make me feel <br />
better? <br />
A drink."<br />
He walked away<br />
and<br />
so I left. <br />
Now I know why I stay at home <br />
so much.Nick Vanettihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04843212637161513878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1695491057954257105.post-13785124478523940872011-02-16T11:31:00.001-08:002011-02-16T11:31:46.308-08:00Solitudeim stranded on this<br />
road<br />
a hitchiker with no thumbs<br />
walking along<br />
my emotions have been stripped<br />
and<br />
the sun never shines<br />
<br />
and still<br />
i have a smile on my face<br />
walking along a <br />
dark path<br />
with a bottle of whiskey that<br />
never goes bad<br />
<br />
am i the last man<br />
standing<br />
or the first man to realize<br />
nobody else<br />
matters?Nick Vanettihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04843212637161513878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1695491057954257105.post-6244397359939017702010-11-24T13:27:00.000-08:002010-11-25T09:02:05.721-08:00Wisdom and a ProstituteI downed a full glass of beer and stood up on the table.<br />
"Listen!" I yelled. "I know most of you are here because of me." Everyone became silent. "I just wanted to say that I don't care."<br />
"Care about what?!" someone shouted from the crowd.<br />
"I don't care that you're here," I continued. "You mean nothing to me. Why do you think I'm leaving? Sure, most of us have had some good times; but those times are over. I can't stand you people anymore. I know I'll be missed, especially by some of the women here. I've dated some of you, fucked you, wined you, dined you, hucked you, chucked you; I even spanked a few of you. I know you're all thinking I'm acting like an asshole right now but allow me to tell you that I've always been an asshole. I came here to have a few drinks on my last night in this rotten town. I didn't invite any of you to come because I didn't want to see any of you. You all make me sick."<br />
I stepped down off the table and almost slipped on some spilt beer. I grabbed my pack of cigarettes and walked towards the back door.<br />
"Are you leaving?" Greg asked.<br />
"I'm just having a smoke," I said.<br />
"That was some speech. Was it supposed to be serious?"<br />
"You tell me," I said, and walked away.<br />
As I opened the back door I saw a couple of girls that I used to hang out with, waiting for a cab.<br />
"And here he is," one of them said, "the big man on campus."<br />
"Why don't you tell us how much you hate us," another one said.<br />
"Yeah, tell us what skanks we are," said the last one.<br />
"Listen," I said, "I don't hate you girls on a personal level; I hate all women."<br />
They started walking aggressively towards me.<br />
"Just wait a second," I said. "Hear me out. I've always hated women; but women hate men too so it's an even trade."<br />
"We don't hate men," said Gina, the tallest and better looking one of the group, “we just like to use them."<br />
"And I like to use women," I said. "Why can't we just get drunk and use each other? I mean, just throw respect completely out the window, get blackout drunk in a hotel room and see where that takes us.”<br />
“You’re dreaming,” said Natasha, a short brunette with curly hair.<br />
“Oh, I’m dreaming alright,” I said, “but not about you. What do you say Gina?”<br />
“Are you kidding me?” she asked.<br />
“I never joke about getting blackout drunk.”<br />
“Is this how you pick up women these days?” asked Tawnya, the timid one of the group. She wasn’t a virgin, but everything from her clothes to her personality said otherwise.<br />
“I’m not really into picking women up,” I said, “I prefer dropping them after a good fuck.”<br />
“You’re awful,” said Tawnya.<br />
“You really are an asshole, Nick,” Gina said.<br />
“I’m guessing none of you are willing to blow me then?”<br />
“He’s always been an asshole,” said Natasha as they walked towards a cab. “And by the way, you can blow yourself.”<br />
“That’s a damned lie!” I yelled. “And believe me, I’ve tried!” I lit a cigarette and stared off into the clouds.<br />
“That was a good one, man!” said a young guy who looked no older than eighteen.<br />
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I said, and put my smoke out and went back inside. I walked over to the bar immediately and tried to avoid the crowd. The bartender saw that I was waiting but chose to ignore me. <br />
“Can I get a double Crown Royal over here,” I said. <br />
He looked over at me but continued talking to a waitress.<br />
“Hey buddy! Some whiskey; come on!” I yelled.<br />
He held up his hand and gave me the ‘one minute’ signal. What a prick.<br />
“Listen, I haven’t got all night! Get your ass over here!”<br />
“You got a fucking problem or something?” he asked, as he finally walked towards me.<br />
“You’re damned right I got a fucking problem. I’m standing sober in a bar. Do you mind doing your job and pouring me a drink. You do want a tip, don’t you?”<br />
“Do you want your cheap looking ass thrown out of here?” <br />
I looked down at my shirt which was all black with no brand name, and rum spilt across the chest. “I got style, mother fucker. Don’t let the stain fool you. And judging by your attire, you wouldn’t know style if it slapped you in the fucking face.”<br />
“Everybody’s tough when they’re drunk,” he said, then poured my drink.<br />
I handed him more than enough cash for the whiskey. “You can keep the change and by yourself some makeup; or save up for a fucking face lift,” I mumbled, as I walked towards my table. <br />
“Nick, over here!” yelled Greg.<br />
God damn it, I thought; why won’t he leave me alone? I sat down across from him at the table. Greg and I had been friends for five years. We hung out a lot for the first few years, but then, just like everyone else, he got annoying. He was sitting with Angela, an ex girlfriend of mine, and her best friend Jamie; a real stuck up bitch.<br />
“What are you drinking?” asked Greg.<br />
“Whiskey; I always drink whiskey,” I told him.<br />
“I’m trying out some of this cider. I’ve never had it before. It’s actually pretty good. It’s sweet but not too…”<br />
I interrupted him. “Did you say you’re drinking cider?”<br />
“Here we go,” said Jamie.<br />
“What do you mean, ‘here we go’? Nobody asked you to be here. I’ve always hated you.”<br />
“You’ve always hated everyone,” said Angela. “That’s why I broke up with you.”<br />
“You couldn’t fuck for shit,” I said and stood up.<br />
“Don’t go, man. It’s your last night before you move to Europe. Let’s just get drunk and stop fighting,” Greg said.<br />
“I’m not going to spend my last night here drinking with an ex girlfriend, a cunt, and a queer that sips on cider.” I walked over to the bar and slammed my empty glass on the counter. “You need to clean this glass,” I said to the bartender, “along with your whore of a mother’s dirty pussy!” I yelled, and quickly made my way out the front door. I saw a cab pull up and ran over and got in.<br />
“Go!” <br />
“Where to sir?” the driver asked.<br />
“Just drive!”<br />
As the car started moving forward I saw the bartender come charging out the front door. I rolled down the window and leaned my head out as he ran closely behind the cab.<br />
“Get your ass back here!” he screamed. “Get your coward ass back here!”<br />
“I’m leaving mother fucker! I’m going to fuck your girlfriend! I’ll fuck every crevasse on her fat ass!”<br />
I closed the window and grinned as the driver stared at me through the rear view mirror.<br />
“You like that?” I asked.<br />
He looked straight ahead and continued to drive silently.<br />
“What’s wrong? You don’t like what I did?”<br />
His eyes panned back and forth from the rear view mirror to the road.<br />
“Stop checking me out,” I said. “I’m not into any cab driver confessions or whatever else you got planned. Just take me to the airport and keep your eyes on the road.”<br />
<br />
I had six hours to wait for my flight. I thought about sleeping but the craving for more alcohol outweighed my exhaustion. There was a bar beside the waiting area so naturally I walked over to it and ordered a drink. I saw an older man finishing a drink in the corner. I paid for my drink and looked around. There was a young brunette sitting at a table minding her own business. She looked lost like the rest of us. Her hair was wild but she seemed tame. She had probably just gotten out of a gang bang in the washroom. She must be an airport prostitute, I thought. <br />
She saw me staring at her so she lifted her drink. “To failure,” she said.<br />
“And misery,” I said, as I lifted my glass.<br />
“You getting on a plane?” she asked.<br />
“I was thinking about it. I bought a ticket, went through customs, and walked all this way. I should probably go through with it.”<br />
She laughed. “You’re probably right. I can’t wait to get out of this city.”<br />
“Where you headed?”<br />
“Europe.”<br />
“Good choice.”<br />
“Where you off to?”<br />
“Europe as well,” I said.<br />
“Where abouts?”<br />
“Italy; I’ve got some family there. I’ve only met them once when I was about five years old. I barely remember what they look like.”<br />
“Sounds like you got it all figured out.”<br />
“It sounds a lot better than it is.”<br />
“Everything does,” she said, and we both took a sip of our drinks. “What are you working on there?”<br />
“Whiskey.”<br />
“Whiskey’s about all I drink.”<br />
“You don’t say,” I said, as I walked over and sat across from her.<br />
“Now now,” she said, “don’t be getting any ideas.”<br />
“Shit,” I said, “and here I was, hoping I’d get to see your office.”<br />
“My office?”<br />
“Where all your business takes place; the washroom.”<br />
“I don’t have a clue what you’re talking about.”<br />
“You’re an air whore, aren’t you?”<br />
“What the hell’s an air whore?”<br />
“An airport prostitute; you find rich looking businessmen who are waiting for their flights.”<br />
“Are you serious?”<br />
“I’m drunk.”<br />
“What does that have to do with anything?”<br />
“I’m always serious when I’m drunk. Everyone is.”<br />
“Well no, I’m not an air hoe.”<br />
“Air whore.”<br />
“Whatever. I’m not a hoe, a whore, or anything of the sort.”<br />
“I thought about being a whore once,” I said.<br />
She laughed. “You’re something.”<br />
“I’d make a great whore.”<br />
“Is that so? And what kind of women would you whore yourself out to?”<br />
“Anybody,” I said. “I could sell sex to a nun.”<br />
“I didn’t think nuns were allowed to have sex?”<br />
“Well, that’s just how good I’d be.”<br />
She laughed. “Well, how about another drink? We have a few hours to kill.”<br />
“You paying?”<br />
“Absolutely not. You’re the man, you pay.”<br />
“Maybe you should pay,” I said.<br />
“Why’s that?<br />
“Well, if I pay, then I’ll actually start believing you’re an air whore.”<br />
“Don’t piss me off,” she said. “We’ll switch, round for round. I’ll get the first one.” <br />
“I can deal with that.”<br />
We got a few more shots of whiskey and talked about Italy. She told me she was going to travel from the North all the way to the South. She didn’t have a plan but she didn’t seem to think she’d run into any problems. I told her I was going to Urbino to work with my Great Uncle at a bakery. <br />
“You’re not going to travel a bit first?” she asked.<br />
“I don’t care to sight see. I’m going so I can get the hell out of this place.”<br />
“That’s one way to do it.”<br />
“I can’t stand the people here.”<br />
“What people?”<br />
“Everybody; my friends, my family, the traffic, the people I work with, the cashiers at the grocery store, the bus drivers, the people on the street that walk so god damned slow when you’re behind them; all those fuckers.”<br />
“So, by everybody, you really did mean everybody?” she laughed. “What makes you think these people don’t exist in Italy?”<br />
“Oh, I don’t think that. They exist everywhere. I just get a good feeling when I think of living in Italy.”<br />
“You just like the idea of all the women and the wine.”<br />
“The wine comes before the women.”<br />
“I can’t disagree with that,” she said.<br />
I stood up after finishing my drink. “Listen,” I said, “I’m going to the washroom but I’ll be back.”<br />
“I should be here when you get back,” she said.<br />
“It’s not like you have a place to go.” <br />
“Then again, my glass is a little dry. I just might have to find someone else to buy me a drink.”<br />
“Get a couple more then,” I said, and put some cash on the table.<br />
I staggered through the crowd and made it into the washroom. I didn’t think she’d be waiting for me once I got back to the table after I realized I had given her some money. She could be working the bars for free drinks and really, that doesn’t sound like a bad idea.<br />
“Fuck I hate airports,” I said to an older man who was shaving at the sink. “Too many god damned people walking around.”<br />
“Would you mind putting your dick back in your pants before starting a conversation with me son,” he said. He looked like a war veteran; a real hard ass.<br />
I finished pissing in the urinal and zipped up. “Not comfortable with male nudity?” I asked.<br />
“If you call that male nudity; hell, I’ve seen bigger bullets than that.”<br />
“I like your style,” I said, as I washed my hands in the sink next to him.<br />
“Now you’re hitting on me?”<br />
“You got some attitude, old man. You’re an asshole, which is fine by me.”<br />
“I’m no asshole, son. I’m a rotten, bitter old man. I’ve taken enough shit in my day to be nice and generous.”<br />
“Amen,” I said.<br />
“A God boy too huh?” he said, and spat on the floor.<br />
“Oh, no; it’s just a saying.”<br />
“Yeah, it’s a saying for all those Christian cocksuckers. I bet if one of those bible thumpers actually met God they’d get on their knees and open wide.”<br />
I laughed. “He’d do it too. With the hell we go through each day, I bet he’d love sticking his cock in everyone’s mouth. If I was God, I’d definitely make a lot of people suck my dick.”<br />
“You’re a real son of a bitch, kid. What’s your name?”<br />
“I’m just an asshole. My name’s Nick.”<br />
“You get a lot of women with that foul mouth?”<br />
“Now and then.”<br />
“If there’s one thing a woman loves, it’s a man with a dirty mouth.”<br />
“They pretend they’re offended by it.”<br />
“Oh, it’s not pretend. They are definitely offended by it, but that’s why they love it so much. It shows you aren’t a prissy young boy, acting like a fairy just because they’re around.”<br />
“I always say, you should just say what you gotta say.”<br />
“Just shut up boy. You can’t go around running your mouth to everyone, any time you god damned well want to.”<br />
“You were running your mouth to me not even five minutes ago.”<br />
“You’re drunk; you’re smaller than me, and you don’t have a damned clue. You remind me a lot of myself at your age; a cocky little shit. You need to be cocky though. These broads aren’t looking for nice guys. They like the dangerous types, the risk takers, all the crazy bastards.”<br />
“I take a risk every time I fuck a woman without a condom. I live a dangerous life of dodging STD’s, and I’m crazy enough to continue doing it.”<br />
“Exactly! And you’ve got to keep doing it. Fuck every broad willing to spread her legs for you. Take them all for granted. Don’t use condoms; don’t use lube; don’t use any of that shit. You’ve got to do it raw, do it fast, and get the hell out.”<br />
“You’ve got some wisdom there old man.”<br />
He rinsed his face and threw his disposable razor in the trash. “Now, if you haven’t had too much to drink and your dick still works, go find a broad out there and bring her in here. Then once you get the job done and get on your plane, you’ll fall asleep in no time,” he said, and walked out.<br />
I thought about having a cigarette in the washroom but decided it wasn’t worth the risk. They treat smokers like terrorists these days. After opening the door to go back to the bar, the young brunette stepped into the doorway.<br />
“Need any help in there?” she asked.<br />
“Like someone to hold my dick?”<br />
“Hold it, lick it, suck it, fuck it,” she said.<br />
Jesus, I thought, she’s a prostitute after all. “I knew you were an air whore!”<br />
“I’m whatever you want me to be if you’re money’s right.”<br />
“Now you’re talking.”<br />
She pushed me lightly back into the washroom and locked the door behind her. “It’s a hundred for the mouth and two hundred for the goods.”<br />
“Shit, I could jerk off for free."<br />
"You want it before a flight, you've got to pay for it. Take it or leave it."<br />
"By the goods, you mean both holes?”<br />
“Any hole; if you can fit into it, give it all you got baby.”<br />
I handed her a hundred. <br />
“So, you’re a blowjob kind of a guy?”<br />
“I’ll pretend that I’m God.”<br />
“A role player too, OK, I’ll make you feel like God.” <br />
She ripped my pants down and pushed me back into a stall. I tripped and landed sitting on a toilet. Good thing the seat was down, I thought. I closed my eyes while she went to work. It was real rough and messy; she really knew was she was doing. She stopped for a second and reached into her purse and pulled out a flask with some whiskey in it.<br />
“Have some of this, on me,” she said, and went back to work.<br />
I started chugging the whiskey as she went harder. She was like a machine. I finished the flask almost immediately after she gave it to me. I stretched out my legs as I finished and knocked her back out of the stall door.<br />
“Fucking Christ!” she yelled.<br />
“Christ is right baby,” I said. “You really did make me feel like God.”<br />
“Watch your legs!”<br />
“These are the legs of God himself. Look how sexy they are.”<br />
She got up and rinsed her mouth in the sink. <br />
“So, you’re not going to Italy?” I asked. The bathroom door slammed shut a few minutes later. Well, I thought, I guess I won’t get to introduce her to my family. That’s a shame, because I’m sure they’d love to meet an airport prostitute.Nick Vanettihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04843212637161513878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1695491057954257105.post-58132120632637373762010-11-04T14:37:00.001-07:002010-11-04T14:54:23.377-07:00My First RomanianAfter finishing my lunch I poured a drink and picked up the phone to call her.<br />"Hello," she answered.<br />"Is this Ramona?"<br />"Yes. Who's this?<br />"It's Nick. We met at the party last night."<br />"Nick?"<br />"Remember, I told you I was going to run for Mayor to clean up the city and you went on and on about how you think the city is fine the way it is; which, by the way, is complete bullshit."<br />"It's not bullshit! I remember you! We shared some whiskey together in the kitchen and I listened to you rant."<br />"Are you kidding me? That wasn't a rant. I was just trying to enlighten you. I try to enlighten every female I meet."<br />"Nope! I'm pretty sure I just listened to you rant!" she laughed. "What makes you think females need to be enlightened?"<br />"They need a lot more than that, darling."<br />"Is that so?"<br />"That's why you see more females attending college and university."<br />"I don't think there's more females in college and university. I've been going to university for two years and I haven't noticed anything like that."<br />"Obviously not. Nobody has enlightened you on the matter yet."<br />"You're a cheeky one. Maybe there's more females in college and university because we're smarter and able to accomplish more than a man."<br />"See, I knew you'd say something like that."<br />"Of course you did."<br />"The thing is men already know everything they teach in college and university."<br />"Then why are their men at colleges and universities around the world?"<br />"To get laid."<br /> She laughed. "There may be some truth to that, actually."<br />"Of course there is. Everything I say has some truth to it."<br />"Only some truth?"<br />"Well, I'm not going to lie."<br />"Wouldn't only 'some' truth mean that you are in fact lying?"<br />"Just forget it."<br />"Wow, The Great Nick gets stopped in his tracks. That probably doesn't happen to you very often, does it?"<br />'Young blond Ramona gets tied down to some tracks. That's probably never happened to you, has it?"<br />"No, I can't say it has."<br />"Well, let's keep it that way; for now."<br />"You're evil!"<br />"Just wait till I'm Mayor."<br />"I'll personally see that you never become Mayor!"<br /> I took a sip of the drink I had forgotten about.<br />"Nick?"<br />"Yeah, I'm here. I'm just having a drink."<br />"Oh, so that's how it is. Alcohol is more important than me?"<br />"That's precisely how it is."<br />"Hey! That's not the way to talk to a lady!"<br />"Whoever said you were a lady?"<br />"You saw me last night!"<br />"Do you actually think I remember last night?"<br />"You remembered me."<br />"I remembered a blond that stole some of my whiskey. I got your phone number from Anthony so I could collect."<br />"Collect what?"<br />"Well, I think you owe me some whiskey."<br />"Well, I think you owe me some more enlightenment."<br />"Are you mocking me?"<br />"I would never do such a thing."<br />"It's a deal. You give me some whiskey and I'll let you in on some grown up issues."<br />"Grown up issues? How young do you think I am?"<br />"Well, hopefully no older than thirteen."<br />"You're disgusting!"<br />"I'm kidding. Thirteen is a little too old for me."<br />"Oh my god…"<br />"So, do you want to write down my address?"<br />"After hearing comments like that you expect me to get whiskey plus bring it right to your doorstep?"<br />"That's the price of intelligence babe."<br />"Fine…"<br /> I gave her my address and she said she'd be over before 8pm.<br /><br /> At about 7:30 I opened a bottle of wine. I knew Ramona was bringing whiskey but I couldn’t wait that long. I had to have something to get my thoughts flowing. She was expecting some sort of information and by the sounds of it, she needed it. I’m going to help this poor girl, I thought; I’m going to change her life. <br />I heard a knock. “Well well,” I said as I opened the door, “the maid is off tonight so the place may be a bit messy. Also, my lobbyist ate all the food while we were working on my campaign; I hope you’re not hungry.<br />“I’m fine,” she said, as she took her coat off.<br /> I looked over and noticed how thin her wrists were. My god, I thought, her skin is almost transparent she’s so skinny. She had short blond hair and wore a lot of thick, expensive clothing; probably to hide how skinny she was.<br />“Are you sure you don’t want something to eat?”<br />“I’m fine.”<br />“Seriously, I have food. You can eat if you want.”<br />“I’d rather have a drink.”<br /> I walked into the kitchen with the whiskey. Not even alcohol can turn this skeleton into a human being.<br />“Are you going to make me a drink?”<br />“I’m making one right now.”<br />“Don’t make it too strong!”<br /> I put the bottle to my lips and let it flow in. I needed a miracle to make this work.<br />“How do you turn the T.V. on?”<br /> What a great idea, I thought. I can stare at the T.V. and try not to think about her arm shattering if she leans against me. “I’ll be there in a sec.”<br />“I got it! See, I’m smart!”<br /> She turns a T.V. on and acts like she built a plane engine… from scratch. “Good, good,” I said as I walked into the living room with the drinks, “now maybe you can hand me the remote.”<br />“I can handle it, don’t worry.”<br />“I’m not worried. There’s just a show I want to watch.”<br />“Which one?”<br />“Saving Private Ryan.”<br />“What’s that?”<br />“You’ve never seen it? It’s a World War 2 movie with Tom Hanks.”<br />“I don’t like war movies.”<br />“Of course you don’t, you gypsy.”<br />“Gypsy?”<br />“I know you’re Romanian.”<br /> She laughed. “How do you know I’m Romanian?”<br />“You told me last night.”<br />“I thought you didn’t remember last night?”<br />“It comes and goes. So, have you ever churned butter?”<br />“Excuse me?”<br />“You know, Romanians and all their churning.”<br />“What the hell is churning?”<br />“I don’t know. Something Romanians do.”<br />“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”<br />“Well, I’m sorry I can’t enlighten you about churning butter. Fortunately, I’m not Romanian.”<br />“Hey! That’s not nice.”<br />“Neither is lying about whether you churn butter or not.”<br />“OK, seriously, I don’t know what churning butter is. Romania is known for skiing and rock climbing, castles, and Transylvania.”<br />“Oh, right. Dracula and all that shit.”<br />“Yes, Dracula…” she said.<br />“Then who churns butter?”<br />“I don’t know who the hell churns butter or what churning butter even is!”<br />“I think it’s like making wine. You know how people get in barrels filled with grapes and stomp them with their feet to make wine? I think Romanians get in barrels filled with butter and just slide around in it with their bare feet. That’s got to be what churning is.”<br />“Who knows?”<br />“Let’s leave it at that. Romanians in barrels of butter with their bare feet; problem solved.”<br /> I grabbed the remote and put Saving Private Ryan on.<br />“I told you I don’t like war movies!”<br />“Let’s watch a little. Learn to enjoy the sound of gunfire and the sight of mutilated bodies and destroyed cities.”<br />“You’re strange.”<br /> We sat there for a bit watching the movie. I started drinking heavily to take my mind off her body. It was almost unbearable. I couldn’t even look in her direction. I noticed her moving a bit closer to me on the couch.<br /> I stood up quickly. “Another drink?” I asked.<br />“I’m still finishing this one.”<br />“That's your first one. What the hell is wrong with you?”<br />“I’ve only been here for 15 minutes. What do you mean what’s wrong with me?”<br />“I’ve had four drinks already. Plus some wine before you got here!”<br />“Why did you have wine before I came?”<br />“I didn’t want to wait for you. You know, girls and being late and all that.”<br />“I wasn’t late though.”<br />“I couldn’t take that risk.”<br />"Fine, pour me another drink."<br />"Atta girl."<br /> I walked into the kitchen and took another drink straight from the bottle. Jesus, I thought, I'm starting to lose it. Maybe I should just shove some food down her throat?<br />"Did you want anything to eat now?"<br />"Just the drink please."<br /> I brought the drinks along with the bottle back into the living room. I'm going to need all I can get. <br />"Why are you bringing the bottle in here?"<br />"I'm tired of getting up and going into the kitchen."<br />"Oh, well, thanks for the drink."<br />"Don't mention it. It's not like I paid for it," I said as I winked at her.<br /> She laughed. "So, how about my lesson on grown up issues?"<br />"Not now babe. Look, someone's about to get shot in the head."<br />"I don't care. I'm not watching this, Nick."<br />"Well, I am."<br />"We'll see about that," she said, as she grabbed my head and pulled it towards her. I tried to resist but for a 42 pound girl she had some strength. I started to kiss her then felt a tongue smear accross my upper lip. It moved accross my cheek and then she shoved it violently into my mouth and almost choked me. I pushed her back, not caring if I snapped a limb off her body.<br />"What's wrong?," she asked.<br />"Oh, nothing," I said, as I wiped my face off with my shirt. "I just really want to see someone get shot in the face."<br /> She grabbed me again and pulled me till I was laying on top of her.<br /> I jumped up in fear. "Jesus christ!" I yelled. "Are you OK?"<br />"I'm fine! My god Nick, what's wrong with you?"<br />"Well, you know, uh, I'm not that light."<br />"Don't worry about it. I'll be fine," she said, and pulled me in for round 3.<br /> I started to kiss her again from the side and kept my eyes on the movie. I only opened my mouth slightly just in case she tried to choke me again. I felt her tongue thrusting against my lips, trying to find an entrance. It was like the crusades trying to break into a castle to take it over. I wasn't giving in. She started flailing her tongue around rapidly all over the edge of my mouth. This must be how they kiss in Romania, I thought. I reached my hand down and undid her pants carefully. I thought about taking them off, but I started to imagine her hips caving in if I tried. Her mouth started moving more furiously, full of anger. She wanted her tongue in my mouth, but I was holding her off as best as I could. She began punching me in the back. Her fists moved around, hitting my upper and lower back, and moving to my ribs. <br />"What the fuck are you doing?" I asked.<br /> She slipped her tongue in my mouth and pushed it around all over. I tried to force it out, but it was too strong. It was the only muscle on her body. I finally managed to get it out.<br />"Listen," I said, "stop for a second."<br />"What?"<br />"What's with all the punching?"<br />"It's fun," she said, as she hit me again in the ribs.<br />"Stop! Seriously, what's wrong with you?" I grabbed the whiskey and had a drink. Maybe the churning butter comment pissed her off.<br />"That's right, take a drink; man up."<br />"It only took one drink to turn you into a maniac."<br />"Man up! Have another drink!" she yelled, as she punched me again in the spine.<br />"Seriously woman, what the hell is the matter with you!?"<br /> She took her pants off, squirming underneath me like a worm.<br />"What do you think about that?" she said.<br /> I looked down, hoping for the best. Her thin legs were underneath a pillow, thank god. "It looks great."<br />"Well, don't just stare at it!" She forced my head down between her thighs.<br /> I went at it hard. If I can't enlighten this broad mentally, I'll do it physically. It tasted sweet, like pure sugar. It was like eating a bag of skittles. "I can taste the rainbow!" I yelled. <br />"Shutup!" she screamed. "Don't stop!"<br /> I kept going and going as she screamed. I started to slow down, thinking about her body again. It was an awful sight, it really was. I almost came to a complete stop, thinking that she might be a squirter. I stuck my head out from between her thighs, like a soldier in a trench. "Mind if I finish you with my hand?"<br />"I guess," she said.<br /> I leaned up beside her, making sure I wasn't on top of her and finished her off.<br />"Oh Nick, that was amazing."<br /> I took a sip of the whiskey. She wasn't a squirter afterall. I took my pants off and looked at her.<br />"Give me a minute," she said. <br /> Selfish, I thought, like all women.<br />"Come on now, the whiskey is flowing towards my dick. Once it gets there, the night is over."<br />"What do you want me to do?"<br />"What do you mean? Get it done babe."<br />"How?"<br /> What the hell is this, I thought. "Just, I don't know, hop on." She got on top of me and laid there like a corpse while I put it in. <br />"I'm not sure what to do now," she said. "I've never been in this position before."<br /> Dear god, I thought. What kind of gypsy trick is this? "Slide up and down. It's pretty self explanatory."<br />"Sorry, I've only had sex once before."<br /> I started to get soft. "Just keep going," I said.<br />"I'm not sure if I'm doing it right."<br /> I was almost completely limp now. I pushed her off.<br />"What's wrong? Was that bad?"<br />"Listen, it's hard to concentrate. You keep talking about how you don't know what you're doing. That's not helping. Can you just finish me off with your mouth?"<br />"Um, well, I've never done that before. I don't know what to do."<br /> And now my dick basically curled into my body. "Ok, well, just use your hand." <br /> She leaned against me and attempted to finish me off with her tiny, boney hands as I finished the whiskey. It wasn't happening so I stopped her. "Forget about it," I said, and put my pants back on.<br />"What's the matter? Are you mad?"<br /> My phone started ringing; perfect timing.<br />"Hello?" I answered. It was a friend of mine, Randy. "I'll be back," I told Ramona. I walked out of the living room and went into my bedroom.<br />"What's up," Randy said.<br />"Oh, man, I'm in one hell of a situation. You got any alcohol?"<br />"Of course I do. You want to get out of that situation and come join this situation?"<br />"What situation are you in?"<br />"I'm just sitting here, getting black out drunk."<br />"That's my kind of situation."<br />"Come on over."<br />"I'll try to get out of this. See you soon."<br /> I hung up and walked back into the living room. Ramona was still laying on the couch with her pants off.<br />"Everything OK?" she asked.<br />"Yeah, that was just my buddy Randy. He's sort of stuck at work because he missed his bus."<br />"He sort of missed his bus?"<br />"Well, he missed his bus. He has no way of getting home now."<br />"How far away does he work?"<br />"About 20 minutes away. He doesn't have any cash to cab home either. I told him I'd help him out and give him a ride."<br />"Oh, ok. Do you want me to go with you?"<br />"Uh, well, uh, do you mind if I just give you a call later?"<br />"You want me to wait here?"<br /> The brains on this one, I thought. "No, I mean, I can give you a call at your place later, if you don't mind.<br />"So you want me to go home?"<br />"Well, I'll be a while, plus I'm pretty tired."<br />"Fine," she said, in an angry tone. <br />"Don't be mad," I said. "It's not like I planned this." I walked into the kitchen and had some of the wine I opened ealier. I heard the front door slam hard and that was it; she was gone. I picked up the phone and called Randy.<br />"Yo," he answered.<br />"Hey man, I'm out the door in a few minutes. I managed to get this crazy broad out of my apartment."<br />"Any advice?"<br />"Yeah, don't ask Romanians if they churn butter.Nick Vanettihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04843212637161513878noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1695491057954257105.post-72824767319447126182010-10-11T22:29:00.001-07:002010-10-11T22:29:44.021-07:002 Days, 7 Trips, and 12 Minutes in HeavenDAY TWO: PART TWO<br /><br /><br />“Let’s order a pizza,” Jack said.<br />“Can you really eat now?”<br />“I think I can.”<br />“Bullshit. Have a drink.”<br />“We’ve got to eat something, man.”<br />“I’ll get one of the broads to cook us something.”<br />“They won’t be here for another hour, man, I can’t wait that long.”<br />“Then order a fucking pizza.”<br />“Do you want anything?”<br />“Ask them if they’ll stop at the liquor store on the way here. Tell them we’ll pay extra.”<br />“I don’t think they do that sort of thing.”<br />“Well, we’ve got to make one more trip before they get here. This isn’t enough.”<br />“Aren’t they bringing anything?”<br />“A bottle of rum, but, who wants to drink that shit. I need some more whiskey.”<br />“Do you know how much whiskey you’ve had today? Not to mention all the beer and wine man.”<br />“What are you, my sponsor? Order your pizza.”<br /> He picked up the phone and started dialing.<br />“Actually,” I said, “I’ll pick it up after the liquor store.”<br />“Get a couple cans of pop too while you're there.”<br />“You’re drinking liquor tonight, Jack. I’m not paying for any pop.”<br />“I’m paying for it.”<br />“I’m not getting any pop.”<br /> I got up and walked out the front door. Just as I was about to get in my car, Jack came running.<br />“You forgot the money, man!” he yelled.<br /> He staggered down the stairs and gave me a hand full of cash. It was a lot more than what the pizza was going to cost; lucky me. What was he going to do about it? I had to drive a fair distance again to the cold beer and wine store just outside of town. On the way there I stopped at a pizza parlor and ordered a large for Jack. I told the girl I had to make another stop and I’d be back to pick it up shortly. She smiled before I left, but I was too drunk to care. As I pulled into the parking lot at the liquor store I saw it was no longer deserted. I got out of the car and lit a cigarette and had a look around. There was a young girl standing beside the front door.<br />“You need someone to buy you some liquor?” I asked.<br />“No thanks. I’m just waiting for my ride.”<br />“It’s no problem, really.”<br />“I can buy my own alcohol, thanks.”<br />“This place serves minors?”<br />“I’m twenty two.”<br />“No shit?”<br />“I just look young, I guess.”<br />“That’s not a bad thing, darling. Your boyfriend picking you up?”<br />“No, my girlfriend is picking me up. I don’t have a boyfriend.”<br />“Damn, a fine girl like you without a boyfriend; that’s not right.”<br /> She smiled. “What’s your name?”<br />“They call me Nick.”<br />“They call you Nick? Or your name is Nick?”<br />“What’s the difference?”<br />“I don’t know. Some people have nicknames.”<br />“How can a name and a nickname be the same name?”<br />“That’s a lot of nicks and names.”<br /> We both laughed. “Why don’t you and your friend come back to my place?” I asked.<br />“Why don’t you just come to the bar?”<br /> I slipped off the curb we were standing on. “I’m too drunk for the bar. I also have to pick up a pizza for my friend who’s waiting at my house.”<br />“Your friend cute?”<br />“What kind of question is that?”<br />“An easy one to answer. Either he’s cute or he’s not.”<br />“He’s a guy; he looks like a guy. He doesn’t look like a dog or anything, if that’s what you’re asking.”<br />“I thought men referred to women as dogs?”<br />“Men can be dogs too.”<br />“Aren’t men pigs?”<br />“I actually thought we were all human.” <br /> We both laughed. “Let me grab a bottle of whiskey, I’ll be right back,” I said.<br />“Don’t be long. I might not be here when you get back.”<br />“Maybe I should tie you up then, like a dog.”<br />“Asshole,” she said, smiling.<br /> I went inside and grabbed a bottle of Jameson. Trip number seven; how I’m still standing, I’ll never know. After I picked up a bottle of whiskey I got a bottle of white wine just in case the women didn't have anything. I had no idea what I was going to do about the brunette and her friend now, but at this point I didn't care. I found a couple of new girls and that’s all that mattered. There was a long lineup at the first cashier so I made my way to the other one that was open.<br />"Looks like these people enjoy standing in lines," I said to the cashier, a middle aged woman.<br />"What do you mean?"<br />"Look at them standing there, like a bunch of chickens on a conveyer belt. They could have come over here."<br />"Maybe they aren't in a rush?"<br />"Maybe; or it could be you."<br />"Pardon me?"<br />"Well, you aren't smiling for one thing. You've got to loosen up, unbutton that shirt and put your hair down. You don't have to look your age," I said, as I paid for the alcohol and got my receipt.<br />"You son of a bitch!" she yelled. "How dare you!"<br />"Martha, what’s going on here?" the manager said, as he walked towards her. "What's all this commotion?"<br />"You've really got a nutcase on your hands. She's threatening me," I said.<br />"You asshole!" she shouted. "Get out! Get the hell out of here!"<br />"Calm down!" screamed the manager. "This is a place of business!"<br />"I don't have to take this shit!" She took off her nametag, threw it on the ground, and walked to the back room.<br />"That's no way to treat a nametag," I mumbled to myself.<br />"You quiet down," the manager told me. "What happened here?"<br />"That woman’s got a lot of problems."<br />"Never mind! If you want to leave here with that alcohol, you better tell me what happened.”<br />"Shouldn't you be worried that I'm upset? Isn't the customer always right?"<br />"You just get out of here. I could smell the liquor on you the second you walked in. This is a nice place, and we don't need your kind around here."<br />"My kind? It's a liquor store, who do you expect to walk in here, Barney Rubble and a couple of girl guides?"<br />"I suggest you leave quickly before I phone the police."<br /> I walked out and saw the young looking blond standing by my car having a cigarette.<br />"What was all that yelling in there?" she asked.<br />"You heard that?"<br />"I heard a woman screaming."<br />"Someone tried to rob the place so I took him down and saved the day."<br />"Oh really?"<br />"If I said yes, would you believe me?"<br />"I don't believe anything a man says."<br />"Well, you should stop trusting women too."<br />"Why's that?"<br />"How do you think we learned to lie so well?"<br /> She laughed. "You're funny. Did you get anything for me?"<br />"I got a bottle of white wine for you and your friend. Is she going to be here soon?"<br />"She should be a few minutes. Where do you live?"<br />"Let me give you my address." I reached into my car and got a piece of paper and a pen and wrote down my address. "It's not too far from here."<br />"This is right by my house!"<br />"Oh, good, then you can walk home later."<br />"I guess so."<br />"Well, listen, I have to pick up that pizza," I said, as I opened the bottle of Jameson. "I'll see you girls soon."<br />"Don't kill yourself on the way there."<br /> I got into the front seat, turned the car on, and took a big drink. "Don't worry darling, I won't be killing myself just yet." I pulled out of the parking lot and headed back to the pizza parlor.Nick Vanettihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04843212637161513878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1695491057954257105.post-75900456261642846682010-08-03T13:22:00.000-07:002010-08-03T13:24:55.522-07:00A Forceful ThoughtI couldn't imagine a day without the weight<br />on my shoulders.<br />The weight was there; it was always there.<br />It was there for a reason and had a purpose I have yet <br />to figure out.<br />I don't want it there but I cant<br />get rid of it.<br /><br />It grows and grows and shrinks like everything <br />else.<br />It lives and dies and changes and transforms.<br />It becomes a burden, but a burden <br />you dont mind.<br />I say goodnight then lay awake and greet it with a smile.<br />It's a part of me, in my soul,<br />or I think it is, and believe myself,<br />and never<br />let it go.Nick Vanettihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04843212637161513878noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1695491057954257105.post-76450818965392501962010-07-27T22:34:00.000-07:002010-07-27T22:35:07.076-07:002 Days, 7 Trips, and 12 Minutes in HeavenDAY TWO - PART 1<br /><br />Waking up with a hangover was never a problem for me. After a couple times, like anything else, you get used to it. The sunlight woke me up as it shined like the flames of hell on my face at around eight in the morning. I sat up on the couch and saw that Jack had left his pack of cigarettes, so naturally I took one out and lit it. I looked around for the bottle of whiskey, but gave up when I found a can of beer that was half full. I was still a bit shaky from the night before and was considering staying at home all day. The chances of finding the brunette were slim to none, but then again, I am a gambler. I finished my cigarette and what was left in the beer can, and got up to get ready to start the search. It was going to be a long day, and I was going to need a lot of liquor.<br /><br /> After getting ready I decided to skip breakfast and head out to the liquor store first. I was either nervous, or just too hung over to stomach food. I got in my car, shuffled my feet through a few empty bottles to get to pedals, put the key in the ignition and sat back. I felt nauseous so I got out of the car and lit a cigarette. The first puff hit the back of my throat awkwardly, which forced me to vomit behind the back tire. I took a few more puffs after, got in the car, and headed to the liquor store. When I pulled into the parking lot I drove cautiously, just in case any more crazy women decided to yell at me. I could handle them after a few drinks, but being hung over early in the morning, I just might snap.<br />“Good morning,” said the same elderly cashier from the night before.<br />“What did you do, sleep here?”<br />“I work here fulltime.”<br />“Your parents must be real proud of you,” I said, as I walked quickly towards the whiskey aisle. I grabbed a bottle of Jameson and looked over and saw the kid that helped me carry my beers. “The beers were fine, none of them exploded,” I said. <br />“Oh, ok.”<br />“I told my friend you shook them up, but he didn’t believe me.”<br />“I didn’t shake them, sir.”<br />“I know you didn’t. I just told him you did.”<br />“Oh, ok.”<br />“You don’t talk much, do you?”<br />“No.”<br />“Maybe you should have a drink, that way you won’t be such a stiff. Grab one of these cases and head to the backroom.”<br />“I’m supposed to put all the cases on display for the customers.”<br />“What are you, retarded?”<br />“No.”<br />“You mean no, sir?” I said, before taking the bottle of whiskey to the cashier. “That kid you guys got working back there is full of problems.”<br />“What do you mean?”<br />“He’s an incompetent. He doesn’t know his shit from his piss. He’ll never make it.”<br />“Like I told you yesterday, sir, he’s new.”<br />“You should get a young broad to work back there. I mean, what do you do all day? You just stand up here and look around, if you can even see. At least with a nice little blond or something, bending over every few minutes to lift the beer up, you’d have something to stare at.”<br />“Is that all, sir?”<br />“Yeah, whatever, see you later gramps. Make sure this place has a retirement fund, or you’ll be fucked.”<br /> I walked out and over to my car and put the bottle of whiskey on the passenger seat. As I was about to get in, I saw a woman out of the corner of my eye. I looked closer and saw it was the same woman who screamed at me the night before. What is this, Groundhog Day? I got in and honked before pulling out. She looked over and immediately recognized me.<br />“It’s you! You evil man! Drinking again, of course!”<br />“Get in baby, lets go for a ride!”<br />“I’m phoning the police!”<br />“Good, maybe they can help you find your medication, you crazy bitch!” I yelled, as I sped out of the parking lot.<br /><br /> I drove to a lake that wasn’t far from the liquor store to have some whiskey and get back to normal. There was a bench that I could sit on and watch the ducks swim around, clueless to the cruelty that us humans face in our day to day lives. There were people running around the lake who were probably wondering why I was sitting there at nine in the morning with a bottle of Jameson. It didn’t bother me though, because at the same time I was wondering why there were people running around the lake at nine in the morning. After half the bottle and a few cigarettes I was feeling good again. I decided it was time to go to the grocery store-the big one-and see if the brunette was there. I got up off the bench and started walking towards my car. On the way over, I managed to step out in front of a woman running which caused her to trip over my foot.<br />“Watch it asshole!” the woman yelled from the ground. “Didn’t you see me coming? What are you, blind?”<br />“Whoa, calm down,” I said. I bent down to help her up. For a second, I was hoping it was the brunette from the liquor store, but after re-thinking it, I was still too sober to deal with that. “Are you OK?” I asked.<br /> She looked up at my face and just my luck, it was the brunette. “Oh, it’s you again,” she said. “Shouldn’t you be at a liquor store, buying, what was it again, some rum? No, wait, it was whiskey; you asshole.”<br /> I smiled and held up the bottle of Jameson. “Want some breakfast?” I asked.<br />“Are you kidding me? Why are you drinking this early? Didn’t you get enough yesterday?”<br />“I’m on holidays. I just came down here to feed the ducks and I thought a couple drinks would be nice to have.”<br />“It’s not even ten o’ clock. Who the hell drinks this early?”<br />“You’ve never heard of drinking alcohol to cure a hangover?”<br />“Oh, I guess. So, you’re drinking off a hangover, then you’re going to be drunk again and wakeup tomorrow and need to drink off another hangover.”<br />“Story of my life.”<br />“That’s disgusting.”<br />“I’m kidding. I don’t do this often. Like I said, I’m on holidays.”<br />“Well then why don’t you go somewhere? Go camping, go to the beach, do something instead of drinking alone at a park.”<br />“I’m not alone,” I said, winking at her.<br />“You were a real asshole yesterday, you know that?”<br />“I had a few too many drinks.”<br />“Just a few?”<br />“Honestly, I lost count. You know, you weren’t a real pleasure to be around yesterday either.”<br />“How so? I was polite up until you said you cherish alcohol over women.”<br />“There’s a fine line between alcohol and women.”<br />“What do you mean?”<br />“They can both either make you feel really good, or make you feel like a piece of shit.”<br />“That’s an odd way of looking at it.”<br />“Well, you see, I’ll be drinking and feel great, then I’ll wakeup the next day and feel like shit. With women, we’ll fuck and I’ll feel great, then I’ll wakeup the next day and feel like a piece of shit for wanting to get the hell out of there. I can’t win.”<br />“That’s horrible.”<br />“Of course it is. I should get to win sometimes. I’m glad you agree.”<br />“No, your whole view on women is horrible. Did you ever think that maybe we want you to leave in the morning?”<br />“Come on now, don’t bullshit me.”<br />“I’m serious. There’s been tons of times where a guy’s stayed around in my apartment the next day; eating all my food, watching TV, making a mess everywhere. I just wanted to tell him to get the hell out. I got what I needed, so it’s time to piss off.”<br />“You’re a lot different than I thought.”<br />“In what way?”<br />“You’re just a cruel, evil bitch.”<br />“Excuse me!?”<br />“Don’t get me wrong, I love it. You’re the goods babe.”<br /> She laughed. “You like the bad girls, huh?”<br />“Don’t get me excited now, darling. OK, I’m kidding, talk dirty to me.”<br />“You’re trouble, I can tell already.”<br />“You don’t know the half of it.”<br />“But, I should get going,” she said. <br />“Hold on a second. Are you still going to that barbeque tonight? I was thinking, since we seem to be getting along a lot better than yesterday, maybe we could get together tonight?”<br />“Get together with you? Is that some kind of sick joke?”<br />“What?”<br />“I’m kidding! Look at your face, you look like someone just told you there’s no more alcohol in the world.”<br />“Trust me, if someone told me that, I’d be diving off the nearest bridge.”<br />“You definitely would,” she said, laughing. “I do have to go to the barbeque though, unfortunately.”<br />“There’s no way out of it?”<br />“Well, there could be. I’m only going because I promised a girlfriend I’d go with her.”<br />“How bout’ you ladies come over to my place, and I’ll call a friend. We can have our own barbeque.”<br />“That could work.”<br />“Of course it could. Here, take my address, and come by around eight.” I took a pencil out of my pocket and ripped the Jameson label off to write the address on.<br />“I know this area,” she said, while reading the address. “My friend lives right around there.”<br />“Good, then both of you can have some drinks and not worry about driving home later; you can just walk to her house.”<br />“Remember, I don’t drink that often, so I probably won’t be having too much.”<br />“I don’t drink that often either,” I said, before taking a sip of whiskey.<br />“Of course you don’t, and anyone who says otherwise, must be out of their mind,” she said sarcastically.<br /> We both laughed and said our goodbyes and she continued to run as I walked over to my car and headed home.<br /><br /> The minute I got home I made myself a drink; Jameson and ginger ale. After a couple sips I lit a cigarette and picked up the phone to give Jack the good news.<br />“Yeah,” he answered.<br />“Jack, I got good news.”<br />“I’m getting laid tonight?”<br />“We’re both getting laid tonight; at my house.”<br />“I told you, man, I’m not gay. I’m not fucking you.”<br />“You wish you could fuck me.”<br /> He laughed. “Did you find the brunette or something, man?”<br />“Yeah, I was at the lake having a few drinks and I saw her running.”<br />“Why was she running?”<br />“I’m not sure. There was a bunch of people running around the lake.”<br />“Why were they running around the lake?”<br />“Apparently they enjoy it in the morning.”<br />“That’s not right.”<br />“I know, but, you should have seen her tits bounce as she ran.”<br />“I can imagine, man. So are you seeing her tonight? Are we going to double team her?”<br />“She’s coming over at eight, and she’s bringing a friend.”<br />“It’s not going to be another demented beast like that last girl you brought out for me, is it?”<br />“I sure hope so; that was hilarious.”<br />“Son of a bitch.”<br />“She’ll be fine. Don’t worry, with the way this broad looks, I guarantee her friend will be just as good.”<br />“And if she isn’t?”<br />“Then you can go home and jerk off.”<br />“Whatever, man. Are we going to the bar soon to get started? You know I won’t go into the lions den if I’m sober.”<br />“I’m already ahead of you. Let’s just go to the liquor store and head back to my place.”<br />“That’s fine by me, man. You’re paying, right?”<br />“I’m going to pay for your liquor and get you pussy? Why the fuck would I do that?”<br />“How about this, I’ll buy the liquor and if the broad is up to my standards, we’re even. But, if she looks like something you’d want to hunt, you’re paying me back; for my booze too.”<br />“Sounds good.”<br />“OK, pick me up on the way back from the liquor store then.”<br />“So I’m a cab now too? I’m a bartender, a pimp, and a fucking cab driver for you? Use those gangly legs and walk your ass to my house.”<br />“Whatever, man. I’ll leave in half an hour, if you’re not back by the time I get to your house, I’m going in through the window again.”<br />“Suit yourself.” I hung up and finished my drink. Here I go; trip number five.<br /><br /> I decided to go to a different liquor store. It was a bit further than the one I usually went to, but I thought it was best to avoid crazy women and old filthy men still working as cashiers. As I walked up to the front door there was a man with a dog begging for change.<br />“Spare any change, sir?”<br />“For some liquor?” I asked.<br />“No, sir, not for liquor, I need food.”<br />“Ah, well, I can’t help you there. If you said it was for booze, I would’ve thrown you twenty bucks. But, oh well.” I walked inside as the man stared at me. “You’ve got to get rid of these fucking rats,” I said to a clerk by the front door. “Look at him; just take a broom and go sweep him away. Beat him with the handle if you have to.”<br />“As long as he’s a few meters away from the door, he’s allowed to stay there.”<br />“What a joke.”<br />“It is what it is.”<br /> I walked past the whiskey aisle this time and picked up a case of Kokanee. On the way to the cashier I saw a stack of boxed wine, so naturally I picked one up.<br />“Just the beer and the wine, sir?” said the cashier, a decent looking blond.<br />“That depends, what else are you offering?”<br />“Um, we have some chocolates there behind you.”<br />“That’s not what I meant, hunny.”<br />“I’m sorry I don’t quite follow.”<br />“Cute, real cute. Yes, just the wine and the beer for now.” I gave her some money. “I’ll be back for you later.” <br /> Walking towards the front door I could see the man with the dog waiting for me so I turned around.<br />“Is there another exit?” I asked the cashier.<br />“Yes, just on the other side of the wine racks over there,” she pointed.<br /> I quickly walked through the doors and noticed the man and his dog coming towards me. I picked up the pace and made it to my car and threw the alcohol in the back seat. <br />“Get the fuck away from me!” I yelled, as the man and his dog were closing in on my car.<br />“You have some change, I know you do! I don’t need food, I never need food. Please, I need liquor! I need the twenty dollars for liquor!”<br />“You had your chance you rat bastard!” I started the car and reversed as fast as possible. I sped out of the parking lot and drove over what I thought was a large speed bump.”<br />“You hit my dog! You mother fucker! You killed my dog you murderer!” he screamed.<br /> I could see a couple people gathering around the dog as the man ran after me, yelling at the top of his lungs. I lit a cigarette, turned the radio on full blast, ignored the situation and kept driving. It was going to be a good night.<br /><br /> When I got home I saw Jack sitting on the front steps having a cigarette. He was wearing a nice button up shirt, dress pants, and leather shoes. <br />“What’s with the fancy clothes?” I asked, as I stepped out of the car.<br />“You locked the window on purpose, didn’t you?”<br />“I would never do that.”<br />“You’re such an asshole sometimes, man.”<br />“I forgot to open it. I’m drunk, give me a break.”<br />“You’re always drunk, man.”<br />“If God didn’t want me to drink, he would get rid of alcohol.”<br />“Well, God wants me to drink too, so let’s get the fuck inside.”<br /> We walked into the living room and I handed Jack a beer and poured the rest of the Jameson into a glass for myself.<br />“So, what’s with the clothes? You think you’re going to get lucky tonight?”<br />“I wanted to look nice. If they’re as hot as you say they are, you better put on some nice clothes as well man.”<br />“Fuck them. They can take me as I am.”<br />“Are you at least going to shower?”<br />“It crossed my mind.”<br />“Do you want to get laid tonight or not?”<br />“Well, I did. But after all this whiskey, I’d be satisfied just sitting here, finishing all the beer and wine.”<br />“We’ll be finishing everything anyways.”<br />“You make a good point, Jack. Hopefully I’ll be able to get my dick up later.”<br />“That depends, man.”<br />“On what?”<br />“How many liquor store runs we make before the women get here.”<br />“Another good point.”<br />“I’m full of good information when I’m sober.”<br />“We all are. Don’t think you’re special or anything.”<br /> <br />After a few hours of drinking and mindless conversation we finished all the beer and were halfway through the box of wine. I was feeling good but Jack looked like he was getting a bit drowsy.<br />“You alright?” I asked.<br />“Yeah, man. This wine is just putting me to sleep.”<br />“We need some whiskey. That should wake us up.”<br />“You’re tired too?”<br />“That should wake you up, I mean. I just want some whiskey.”<br />“You get the whiskey while I lay down here. I need at least thirty minutes, man.”<br />“I’ll drive to get it, but, I think you’re forgetting the deal.”<br /> He pulled out his wallet and gave me more than enough money for a bottle of Jameson.<br />“Get a couple packs too,” he said.<br />“What brand?”<br />“The cheapest they got, man.”<br />“Atta boy.”<br /> As I was driving to the liquor store I felt the car swerving a bit. It was the sixth trip in two days and I really started feeling the effects. I had to go quite a distance this time since I wasn’t able to go to the two liquor stores closest to my house. Crazy women, old men, and now a dead dog; it was a hell of a weekend. I made it safely to a cold beer and wine store just outside of town, got in, grabbed a bottle of Jameson and a few packs of cigarettes, and got out within a few minutes. The area was deserted, which was probably a good thing. I had a few smokes on the drive back and came close to hitting a couple parked cars, but eventually made it back to my house in one piece. <br />“Wake up!” I yelled, as I walked through the front door. “Jack, get your ass up, the whiskey is here.”<br /> He didn’t move. I saw a pile of vomit beside the couch he was laying on.<br />“You sick bastard!” I screamed, before putting my fist into his stomach.<br />“Ah, fuck! What the fuck are you doing man? You’ll make me puke again!” <br />“If I see anymore come out you’re eating it you son of a bitch!”<br />“Chill out, man! I’ll clean it up.” He stood up and staggered into the kitchen to get some paper towel.<br />“We’ve barely had anything today,” I said. “Get it together.”<br />“Not everyone’s a drinking machine like you, man,” he said from the kitchen. “Where’s the paper towel?”<br />“Behind the sink. Get me a glass while you’re in there. Look at this shit, you filthy bastard.”<br /> He walked back into the living room with a glass and some paper towel. “It happened while I was sleeping, man. One minute I was fine, caught in a deep sleep, the next I was bent over the edge of the couch.”<br />“And you didn’t think to clean it then? We got women coming here; what do you think they’d say if they walked in to a pile of puke and piss in the living room?”<br />“There’s no piss, but I see what you’re saying.”<br />“ Just clean it up.”<br />“I’m cleaning it man, chill out. It’ll be like it never happened. They won’t even be here for another few hours anyways.”<br /> I sat down and poured a glass of Jameson and ginger ale.<br />“You’re lucky I got some whiskey,” I said. “I don’t think beer would have done it. That’s not something you want to walk into when a couple broads are coming over.”<br />“I know, man. Here, look, it’s clean,” he said as he finished wiping the floor.<br />“It still smells like a pig’s asshole. Get some of that spray from the bathroom and spray it around.”<br /> After spraying the whole upstairs with a lemon scent he sat down and poured himself a drink. <br />“That’s the most work I’ve done all week,” he said.<br />“You lazy fuck.”<br />“You’re one to talk. You don’t even work, man.”<br />“I have a fulltime job.”<br />“Yeah, but you don’t do anything there.”<br />“Why should I work if I don’t have to?”<br />“I’m not saying you should work, I’m just saying we’re both lazy pieces of shit.”<br />“Amen.” <br />“So, did you get the smokes?” he asked.<br /> I pulled three packs out of the bag and threw them on the table. He sat up and opened one of the packs and tossed a cigarette at me.<br />“Now we can relax,” he said.<br /> We finished our drinks and smoked in silence for a bit. It was nice to be able to sit with someone and drink without having to talk. Only a few people that I know are able to do it comfortably, the rest just bore me with constant conversation. Most of the time I’m not even paying attention.Nick Vanettihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04843212637161513878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1695491057954257105.post-39821675422004788962010-07-20T11:02:00.000-07:002010-07-27T22:33:11.415-07:002 Days, 7 Trips, and 12 Minutes in HeavenDAY ONE<br /><br />It was only a week ago that I found myself driving to the liquor store for the fourth time in the same day. It was the beginning of my two day weekend and when I woke up I had a plan to drink all day; and I mean drink. So there I was, cutting through traffic like a maniac, trying to make it to the liquor store as fast as possible. I wasn’t on a schedule or anything; I just had no patience when it came to alcohol. My tires screeched as I drove into the parking lot and I hit the curb as I tried to park.<br />“You better watch that speed, you could have killed somebody,” said a woman as I stepped out of my car.<br />“You don’t know the half of it,” I said.<br />“What the hell does that mean?” she asked.<br />“Watch the news later. Casualties everywhere; kids, dogs, families; it’s just a bloody massacre,” I muttered as I walked into the liquor store.<br />“That man is a murderer!” I heard her scream through the windows. “He’s drunk! He’s driving drunk! He told me he hit a few people already!”<br />“Is she yelling about you?” asked one of the store clerks.<br />“You know, I’m not really sure. Can’t be though, I haven’t had a drink all day.”<br />“You sure smell like you have. Smells like you just finished a drink on the way over here.”<br />“Ah yes, I had a beer with dinner. There’s no harm in one beer. She must be out of her mind.”<br />“Well, I’ll be keeping an eye on you.”<br />“And I’ll be keeping my eyes on her,” I said, as I walked over to a voluptuous brunette in the rum aisle.<br />“Rum’s a damned fine drink,” I told her.<br />“It sure is,” she said. “Do you work here?”<br />“Here? God no; I wouldn’t last a week in this place. Surrounded by booze all the time, I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off it.”<br />“Yes, I suppose that’s true,” she said as she laughed.<br />“I’m surprised I’m even able to stand, this is my fourth trip.”<br />“Fourth? You’re insane.”<br />“What can I say, I’m the goods baby.”<br />“Have you been buying a lot each trip?”<br />“Not really,” I said, lying through my teeth. “Some friends came over earlier and drank most of it.”<br />“Oh, I see.”<br />“So, yeah, I was thinking, since were both in love with rum-“<br />“Oh, I’m not in love with rum,” she interrupted me. “I barely drink.”<br />“You barely drink? I saw the way you were looking at these bottles. I know that look; I give them the same look.”<br />“No, really, I don’t drink often. I’m just here to pickup a bottle for a barbeque tomorrow night.”<br />“Come on; seriously?”<br />“I’m serious.”<br />“Oh well, I guess that’s good. Now I can get whiskey,” I said, as I headed towards the whiskey aisle.<br />“I thought you were in love with rum?”<br />“Only if you were, doll. I can’t stand that shit. I’m a whiskey man. And yes, I’ve been buying a lot each trip. And no, I didn’t share with any friends. And yes, you’re damn right I cherish alcohol more than woman.”<br />“Asshole!” she shouted, as she picked up a bottle of rum and quickly took it to the cashier.<br />“Still got it,” I said.<br /> I passed by the vodka and tequila and eventually came across the whiskey. I grabbed a bottle of Jameson and paced around the beer section. Did I really need beer? <br />“Hey, buddy, can you bring a case of Kokanee up front for me, my hands are tied,” I said to a young guy. I wasn’t even sure if he worked there.<br />“Sure thing,” he said.<br />“And don’t shake them. If one of those explodes when I open it, I’ll be back, and I’ll be looking for you.”<br /> I walked over to the cashier as the young man carried the beer nervously. I gave him a couple bucks for a tip and told him I was joking, but I would probably be back; not for him, for more alcohol.<br />“Nice kid,” I said to the cashier, an elderly man.<br />“He’s new. A little slow, but he’ll learn.”<br />“Did you see the brunette that walked-“<br />“Sir, let me stop you there for a second. I’m not sure I can let you walk out of here with all of this.”<br />“What do you mean? Oh, wait, I get it, good idea. Let the kid carry it out for me, that’s damned good thinking.”<br />“No, sir, you don’t seem to be balancing on your feet too well, and, frankly, you smell like you’ve bathed in beer.”<br />“Bathe in beer, man, you’re just full of good ideas today! Twenty-four might not fill the tub; maybe I should get another 24. What do you think?”<br />“I think you should just stick with the bottle of Jameson, or I’ll have to get the manager involved.”<br />“Is the manager a female?” I asked, with a grin on my face.<br /> The cashier picked up the intercom. <br />“Ok, ok! Just give me the Jameson. A real tight ass, aren’t you?”<br />“I’m just doing my job, sir.”<br /> I handed him the money for the whiskey and walked out the front door. The crazy woman was gone, thank god. I got in my car, started it up, and drove over the curb and out of the parking lot without hesitation. If someone got in the way, it was their own fault. I lit a cigarette and turned up the radio. I always had the music on as loud as possible, that way if a cop put on his sirens, you could pretend you didn’t hear them.<br /><br /> After I got inside the first thing I did was make myself a drink; Jameson and ginger ale. There were cans and bottles spread all over the tables and floor, but I didn’t care. I actually enjoyed it. It reminded me of my incredible drinking ability. I stumbled through the mess and sat down on the couch to use the phone.<br />“Come on, Jack, pickup,” I said, as the phone rang.<br />“Yeah, who is it?” he answered.<br />“Jack, what the fuck are you doing? Get your ass over here!”<br />“I’m sleeping, man, I have to work tomorrow. Are you drunk right now?”<br />“Of course I’m drunk! I have two days off, so wake up! I got a bottle of Jameson for us.”<br />“You’ve been drinking like a fish lately, haven’t you?”<br />“Do fish drink water?”<br />“I’m talking about alcohol, man.”<br />“Fish don’t drink alcohol.”<br />“Forget about the fish, man.”<br />“Alright, anyways, I got everything but a person to bullshit with. Oh, and I met a brunette at the liquor store.”<br />“You did? How’d that go?”<br />“We talked for a bit, I could tell she was eyeing the goods, but then she said she didn’t drink.”<br />“What a bitch.”<br />“I know; who doesn’t drink now a days?”<br />“No kidding. She must live a real sad life, man”<br />“See, Jack, you understand everything.”<br />“What’s not to understand? You can’t hang out with people that want to stay sober; that’s just depressing man.”<br />“Well, I guess you’ll have to come and have some whiskey then, or you could be the sober, depressing guy who has to sleep before work. Either way, you’re a bitch.”<br />“Fuck you,” he said, as he laughed. “I’ll come by in a bit. Save me something to drink. And you better have cigarettes, I mean it.”<br />“Yeah, yeah, go to hell.” I hung up and lit a cigarette.<br /><br /> By the time he showed up I had finished half the bottle of whiskey. I had one smoke left, I was about to pass out, and I was too drunk to stand up and answer the door.<br />“Nick! Open the door!” he shouted. “Get your ass up, I didn’t come here for nothing!”<br /> I rolled off the couch and onto a pile of empty beer cans. “Son of a bitch,” I mumbled. I reached up on the table and grabbed the last cigarette and a lighter, laid back on the empty cans, stared at the roof, and lit it without even acknowledging Jack. <br />“You bastard!” he continued. “I’m climbing through the window, fuck it!”<br /> I looked over and saw him trying to climb through an open window. He managed to get in safely, and walked over and stood above me.<br />“Welcome to the party,” I said.<br />“You’re a real asshole, man.”<br />“Then I probably shouldn’t tell you that this is the last smoke.”<br />“I bought my own on the way over here. I knew better than to depend on you for anything.”<br />“I saved you some whiskey.”<br />“You didn’t save it. Look at you, you can’t even stand up.”<br />“Just give me a minute; it’s been a long day.”<br />“A long day of drinking,” he said, as he sat down on the couch and pulled out his cigarettes. “You drank half the bottle already? We just got off the phone not even twenty five minutes ago, man.”<br />“It came that way. Bloody thieves at the liquor store. Selling me only half a bottle; I should go kick that kid’s ass.”<br />“What kid?”<br />“The kid that shook up my beer cans.”<br />“We’re talking about a bottle of whiskey, man. I don’t see any beer left anyways; just empty cans.”<br />“He did it on purpose.”<br />“What are you going on about? What kid, what cans?<br />“The brunette was probably his girlfriend. He was all fired up with jealousy, so he shook my fucking cans!”<br /> Jack ignored me and poured himself a glass.<br />“We should get outside, get some fresh air,” he said.<br />“Fill my glass up, then we’ll talk.”<br />“Fill your own glass, that is, if you’re able to.”<br /> I grabbed onto the edge of the couch and lifted myself to my knees. I was halfway there, but I needed a break. Jack had his pack of smokes on the table in front of him, so I took one out and lit it.<br />“Get up, man. Smoke that outside or you’ll just lay back down when you finish it.”<br />“You know me too well, Jack.” I stood up on my feet and leaned against the wall. The front door looked too far so I sat down on the couch. “Just sit down, I’m fine,” I told him.<br />“When did you start drinking?” he asked.<br />“About 10 years ago.”<br />“I mean today, man,” he said, laughing.<br />“I woke up, came into the kitchen, opened a bottle of something, red wine I think, poured it and that was that.”<br />“And here we are; day one.”<br />“Two more to go.”<br />“Do you think you’ll see that brunette again, man?”<br />“I hope so. She was fine, real fine.”<br />“All you have to do is get her to have one drink; that way, it won’t be so fucking depressing.”<br />“Yeah.”<br />“It’s not like she never has a drink, man. Maybe she just didn’t want to drink tonight. She was going to a barbeque tomorrow. Not everyone drinks everyday.”<br />“We do.”<br />“We’re special. We can handle it.”<br />“We can?”<br />“I don’t know, man. I think so.”<br />“Well, how do I find her?”<br />“Go to the grocery store tomorrow; the big one. Maybe she’ll be buying some food for the barbeque.”<br />“I’ll see if she’s at the liquor store in the morning.”<br />“She won’t be at a liquor store, especially not in the morning, man. She was just there today. Try the grocery store.”<br />“What are the chances?”<br />“Not good. But what else are you going to do, man?”<br />“I guess you’re right,” I said, as I leaned further into the couch pillows.<br />“You look tired, man. I’m going to take off so you can sleep. You should get up and hang around the grocery store in the morning. By the sounds of it, this broad probably wakes up early to run her errands.”<br />“What the hell am I getting myself into?”<br />“A pussy, man. A great, big, juicy pussy.”<br />“Big?”<br />“Well, you never know.”<br />“Fuck off.” <br />“Alright, man, call me tomorrow, let me know if you see her,” he said, before shutting the front door.<br /> I stared at the wall for a minute, trying to focus before I slept. There’s nothing to worry about, I thought, I’m the goods, I’m the goods…Nick Vanettihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04843212637161513878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1695491057954257105.post-8232418765809308422010-07-14T09:09:00.000-07:002010-07-14T09:43:41.656-07:00Tougher Than Superman"I'm going to open a restaurant,” I said.<br />"Open a restaurant?"<br />"Yes. Not a fancy one. I just want somewhere I can eat for free."<br />"You really need to cut back on the booze. You're just talking crazy now."<br />"I'm serious. I'm going to go out and get a job today so I can start saving."<br />"It's almost 5 o'clock and you haven’t even gotten dressed. Where do you expect to apply at this time of day?"<br />"Well, I'll look tomorrow then."<br />“Your brother is coming tomorrow. You can't cancel on him. He already bought his train ticket."<br />"God damn it! I'll go sometime this week.” I grabbed a beer from the fridge and sat down on the couch. “Stop hassling me, will you?"<br />"I'm not hassling you! I'm just tired of these moods you always get in."<br />"What moods?"<br />"You start talking about all these things you want to do. They're always different ways of making money, or different ways of getting stuff for free. In the end, you never do shit!"<br />"Bah! To hell with you! You'll see, by next week I'll have a job. I'll start saving my money instead of buying you all your useless shit, then, when I have enough to open a restaurant, I'll make sure you're never allowed to eat there!"<br />"Good! I won't want to eat at your shitty restaurant anyways!" She yelled as she walked out the front door.<br /> I got up off the couch and ran to an open window.<br />"You better come back here in an hour with a case of beer! You have one hour Sandy, you hear me?! For each minute you're late, I'm throwing one piece of your clothing onto the fuckin street!" I slammed the window shut and lit a cigarette.<br /> What did she know about making money? She only knew how to spend money, like all women. I know I'll be great, and my restaurant will be great. Everyone that comes in will see how great I am, and how great my restaurant is, and that’s all that matters.<br /><br /> It had been almost an hour and I was out of beer. I was getting anxious so I started chain smoking. If I run out of smokes before she gets back, all hell will break loose. Suddenly, the front door opened. It was Sandy with a case of beer.<br />“Did you get any cigarettes?” I asked.<br />“No, you only demanded beer, like an asshole. Does it feel good to yell at me through the window, treating me like a servant in front of all of our neighbors?”<br />“It doesn’t bother me.”<br />“I know, because you’re a heartless bastard.”<br />“I have a heart; it’s just cold and black.”<br />“You make me sick.” She put the beer on the floor beside me. “You better save some for your brother tomorrow.”<br />“Fuck him, he should be supplying me with beer.”<br />“You invited him over. You’re the host, so you should supply the drinks.”<br />“I hate the system.”<br />“I know, I know. You hate the system, you hate working, you hate life, you hate me, and now you hate your own brother.”<br />“But I do love myself.”<br />“Can you open a beer already? Hopefully it puts you in a better mood, or shuts you up.”<br />“There you go with that mood talk again. You need to relax, hunny.”<br />“I am relaxed. It’s just hotter than hell outside and I’m tired and hungry. Are we still going out for dinner later like you promised? Or is it just going to be another night sitting on the couch, drinking, listening to you tell me why you’re greater than Superman?”<br />“Superman isn’t shit! If there were no phone booths, where would he change? Take away the phone booths, and you take away Superman!”<br />“Here we go again. I’m going to have a nap, try to get up and get ready so we can actually go out tonight.”<br />“Sure thing, doll. Once I get some of these beers in me, we’ll go out somewhere nice to eat.”<br />“Of course, somewhere nice, it’s always somewhere nice when I’m paying.”<br />“Hey! Do you want to take a nap, or do you want me to put you to sleep?”<br />“Yeah, yeah, tough guy, real tough….” She muttered as she walked into the bedroom.<br /> I am tough, I thought; tougher than Superman, that’s for sure.<br /><br /> About 3 hours later I was 9 beers deep and in desperate need of a cigarette. I forgot all about going out for dinner with Sandy and instead focused on finishing the case of beer and somehow getting some smokes. I walked into the kitchen and saw her purse on the table. I opened it and started looking for some money. I found a $20 hidden nicely in a zip up side pocket. Smart girl, I thought, but not smart enough. I quickly grabbed my shoes from the closet and just as I was opening the front door to go to the store, Sandy walked out of the bedroom.<br />“Where are you going?”<br />“Just for a walk, darling. I need to sober up before we go to dinner.”<br />“Sober up? You never want to sober up. Where are you going?” She turned and saw her purse open on the kitchen counter. “What the fuck is this?! You’re stealing from me again?!”<br />“No, no, it’s not what it looks like.” Idiot, I thought, how could I leave the purse open like that. “I got a piece of gum in case I run into anyone I know. I don’t want them to think I’m some kind of a drunk.” <br />“Everybody you know already thinks you’re a drunk! You’re stealing from me again! I knew I shouldn’t have left my purse on the counter! Give me back my money!”<br />“Babe, calm down. I was going to split a pack of smokes with you. I’m doing you a favor by going to get them myself.”<br />“I quit smoking 3 months ago!”<br />“You know, quitters can’t be winners.”<br />“I’m not in the mood for your jokes! Give me back my money if you ever want to see me carry a case of beer in here for you ever again!”<br /> I handed her the $20. “Does this mean I don’t get any smokes?”<br />“Are you kidding me? You’re lucky I’m not packing my bags right now. What then? What if I was packing my bags? What would you do without me?”<br />“I’d probably find someone less likely to catch me stealing from their purse.”<br />“You are unbelievable. Is everything a joke to you?”<br />“No, not everything; well, yeah, actually, everything pretty much is a joke.”<br />“You really need to grow up. And for the love of god, stop stealing from me. And go get ready! I don’t know anyone that isn’t even dressed by this time!”<br />“It’s only 8pm, the day’s just begun. We’ll go out, have a nice meal, take a stroll to the liquor store, buy some fine wine and a couple packs of-“<br />“No! I told you, you aren’t getting any cigarettes tonight!”<br />“Well, that’s a shame, that’s a god damned shame! If I end up killing somebody later, I’m blaming you!” I yelled as I walked quickly into the bathroom. <br />“Yeah, yeah, here we go with the drama. Just hurry up tough guy.”<br /> I stormed back out of the bathroom. “What was that? What did you say? I’m telling you right now, if I see anyone, anyone at all that resembles Superman, I’ll fuckin kill him!”<br />“Enough! Go have a shower already!”<br /> I slammed the bathroom door shut. “I won’t forget about this! We’ll talk about this later! Mark my words!” I yelled through the walls.<br /><br /> On the drive to the restaurant I started to feel light headed. The heat was unbearable and the car had no air conditioning.<br />“I really need a drink, I feel dizzy,” I said.<br />“You drank enough today, don’t you think?”<br />“No, you can never have enough.”<br />“Actually, you can. A lot of people die from alcohol poisoning. What you need is some water. And you know, we’re past the stage where you need to impress me. We live together, so cut the shit.”<br />“Impress you? I never needed to impress you. I just think if you die from alcohol poisoning, you’re a pussy bitch.”<br />“And here he is; the tough guy. The big tough guy; dizzy, with no job, no cigarettes, and no alcohol.”<br />“Just hurry up, would you? Can’t this piece of shit car go any faster? I don’t know anyone that would get a car without air conditioning. I’m dying over here.”<br />“It’s a car, OK. At least I have a car. Do you have to be so nasty all the time?”<br />“It’s who I am. It’s too late to change now. I’m a nasty, evil, bad mother fucker; a rebel without a cause. I’m a tough son of a bitch, and don’t you ever forget that!”<br />“How could I, when you remind me every 10 minutes?”<br /> As we pulled into the parking lot I started to feel a lot better; I knew the alcohol was close. We parked in a spot right beside the front door.<br />“There, we’re here, happy?”<br />“Once I get a drink, I’ll be fine as wine baby.” I stepped out of the car and felt a rush of nausea come over me. I leaned over and vomited behind the back tire.<br />“Oh, for fuck sakes,” Sandy said. “Was that necessary?”<br />“Yes, now I feel like a million peso’s. Let’s go.”<br /> When we got inside the hostess told us we’d have to wait 20 minutes for a table; just my luck.<br />“This is horseshit!” I said. “Can we at least wait at the bar?”<br />“I’m sorry sir, the bar is full. We have some chairs behind you that you can sit on while you wait.”<br />“Do I look tired or something? Do I look like an old man? I don’t need a fucking chair, I need a drink.”<br />“Nick! Shut up and sit down!” demanded Sandy.<br />“I’m not waiting here! Let’s go, I saw a place next door that probably serves drinks. I doubt they’ll treat us like a couple of animals!”<br />“Sir, can you please calm down? We can serve you a drink here if you’d like.”<br />“There you go! Now, say thank you!” Sandy said.<br />“Fuck that; get me a double rum and coke. Actually, get me a bottle of Heineken. No wait, get me both.”<br />“You’re such an asshole, Nick.”<br />“I’m too thirsty for politeness!”<br />“It’s OK, mam. And would you like anything for yourself?”<br />“No, thank you.”<br />“See, you’re polite enough for the both of us,” I said. “Can we smoke in here?”<br />“No, I’m sorry sir, smoking is not permitted in doors. It hasn’t been for many years now.”<br />“You knew that anyways!” Sandy shouted. “You don’t even have any smokes. Stop causing problems; you’re acting like a child!”<br /> I sat down and kept quiet till the drinks came. I didn’t want to piss Sandy off too much, she was paying after all. I also knew I could get her to stop at the liquor store on the way home if I didn’t fuck anything else up.<br />“A rum and coke for you, and a Heineken for the lady,” the waiter said, as he handed us the drinks.<br />“No pal, they’re both for me.”<br />“I apologize.” He grabbed the Heineken and put it beside the rum and coke. “Enjoy your evening.”<br />“Wait a second, buddy,” I said.<br />“Nick, don’t start. I’ve dealt with enough shit tonight.”<br />“Quiet for a minute, I just want to ask him a question.”<br />“Did you need something, sir?”<br />“Where do you get off handing me a little rum and coke, and handing my woman a beer? Do I not look manly enough to drink a beer? Do I look like someone who doesn’t drink beer? Does she look like a man, a big manly woman that just drinks beer all day? What the fuck is your-“<br />“Enough!” screamed Sandy. “Just shut the hell up and have a drink!”<br /> The waiter walked off back into the kitchen.<br />“What did you do that for? The guy was begging me to kick his ass!”<br />“You don’t have to prove you’re tough anymore! I’ve seen you fight enough people. You want to fight every guy you see!.”<br />“And I’ll beat them all! Don’t think that I can’t; don’t think for one second that I can’t!” I finished my beer and got up to go to the washroom. “Make sure none of these deadbeats take my rum and coke, you hear me?” <br />“Just go, tough guy.”<br /> I walked slowly in a drunken state. I passed by a few waitresses, slurring some inappropriate comments about their bodies, and finally made it to the washroom. When I walked in it smelt clean, too clean, like someone had just finished scrubbing every inch with a bar of soap. I locked the door and walked right to the middle of the room.<br />“These son of a bitches think they can do whatever they want, to whoever they want. I’ll show them they can’t fuck with me!”<br /> I unzipped my pants and started pissing all over the floor. I stumbled over to the sinks and soaked them with piss. I got the stall doors, the urinals, the heaters, the paper towel dispenser; I covered the whole bathroom. It was an amazing site to see. I zipped my pants up and stood back for a minute, staring, like I was looking at the most beautiful piece of art.<br />“Not so clean now, are ya? <br /> I came out of the bathroom with a big grin on my face and hurried back to Sandy-and my drink-but she wasn’t there.<br />“Excuse me,” I said to the hostess, “where did my rum and coke go?”<br />“Your wife took it with her to your table. Follow me please.”<br />“My wife? I’d rather be dead.”<br />I followed her to a small table in the back where Sandy was sitting with my drink.<br />“Your waitress will be with you in a few minutes.”<br />“It better not be the same son of a bitch that brought me these drinks, because I’ll drop him like a sack of bricks!”<br />“Thank you very much,” Sandy said to the hostess, before she could react to my belligerence.<br />“Your welcome. Can I get you guys a drink while you look over the menus?”<br />“Nothing for me,” said Sandy.<br />“Another Heineken, sir?”<br />“Your goddamn right another Heineken. Another rum and coke too, I’m worried someone tampered with this one.”<br />“Tampered with it?” said Sandy.<br />“I’m a very cautious person, with a lot of enemies.”<br />“You’re something else, Nick, you really are.”<br />“Also, can you bring us some of that free bread? I feel like I’m going to vomit again.”<br />“The waitress will bring out the rolls with butter when she comes to take your orders. Thank you, and have a pleasant evening.”<br /> I watched as the hostess walked over to the bar. <br />“She’s something, isn’t she?” I said. Look at that ass, back and forth, back and forth as she goes. She walks like a tiger, hunting its prey; it’s mesmerizing.”<br />“If it wasn’t because of her job, she wouldn’t even consider looking at you twice,” said Sandy.<br />“Are you kidding me? Look at me, I’m a beautiful bitch. Features like these are a gift from God; I got the face of an angel baby.”<br />“Yeah, sure, an angel that lost its wings in mid air and plummeted face first onto the concrete. You’re so handsome, I’m just so lucky to be with such a handsome, gorgeous man.”<br />“Well, I must’ve won some sort of lottery, to get a prize piece like you; with your flabby tits, saggy ass, and the ability to act like road kill during sex.”<br />“Did you ever think that I act like road kill, because you can’t fuck for shit?”<br />“Did you ever think that I don’t give a fuck about pleasing you? I want to get in and out as fast as I can, like the dentist.”<br />“Did you just compare sex to the dentist?”<br /> The hostess snuck in with the fresh drinks and took the old rum and coke that was possibly tampered with. Sandy and I were too involved in our own conversation to even acknowledge her.<br />“I’m not comparing sex to the dentist. I’m saying your pussy is like the dentist, and my dick just wants to get in, and get the fuck out!”<br />“Well, maybe my pussy will cancel all your current appointments. Maybe my pussy will just completely close down, forever, because all dicks seem to have an asshole attached to them!”<br /> I ignored her and took a long drink of my beer and finished nearly half of it. <br />“I hope you choke on that expensive beer,” she said, in an angry tone.<br />“Maybe if you drank more frequently, you wouldn’t be such a moody bitch.”<br />“Oh, I’m moody? This is coming from you? Mr. I hate the world and everything in it. You can’t even crack a smile without alcohol.”<br />“Don’t be jealous by the fact that alcohol gives me a lot more than you do. Liquor just, I don’t know, it’s hard to explain, it gives me something no woman ever could. How do I put this, it gives me happiness,” I said sarcastically.<br /> A waitress walked over with a basket of rolls and a plate of butter. She put it in the middle of the table and told us it was hot, and that she would be back in a few minutes so we could look over the menu some more.<br />“What are you going to order?” asked Sandy.<br />“I don’t think I’m going to get anything. I’m happy with this free bread, my beer, and my rum and coke.”<br />“I knew this would happen.”<br />“What?”<br />“I knew you were only coming to dinner for some drinks. I knew you weren’t going to eat.”<br />“Yet you didn’t say anything?”<br />“Whatever, I’m used to it.”<br />“Atta girl. What are you going to order? Get the most expensive thing on the menu. I want only the best for my baby.”<br />“Just, shut up.” <br /> The waitress walked back slowly, as I stared at her chest blatantly, and asked if we were ready to order.<br />“I’ll just have a chicken salad; nothing for him,” Sandy said.<br />“More bread, actually.”<br /> The waitress wrote it all down and picked up our menus. “It should be about 15 minutes.”<br />“In that case, bring me another Heineken,” I said, just before finishing my rum and coke. “And you might as well take this glass away.”<br /> She picked up the glass and I watched as she walked over to the bar. She looked better from the front.<br />“Now, see, the hostess has an incredible ass, and a sexy walk. This one, this waitress, she just doesn’t have it. She’s got a nice set of tits, but nothing from the back. She walks like she got fucked by a horse all day; it’s awkward and unbalanced.”<br />“You have something to say about everyone, don’t you?” Sandy said.<br />“I find it funny. When I open my restaurant, I’m not going to have a mix. I’ll have every waitress walking around topless, like they want to fuck every guy in the place.”<br />“So you’re going to open up a strip club?”<br />“Don’t get smart with me. It will be a classy restaurant, with a lot of tits, and a lot of alcohol.”<br />“That’s a strip club.”<br />“You know what, just forget it, you won’t be allowed in anyways; unless you need a job. But if that’s the case, you’ll need to get some plastic surgery on those little cupcakes.”<br />“First of all, I’d never work at a strip club, especially not one owned by you.”<br />“It’s not a fucking strip club!”<br />“Second of all, how dare you compare my breasts to little cupcakes. I don’t believe some of the sewage that comes out of your mouth sometimes.<br />“It’s not sewage. Everything I say should be quoted, copy written, and stored in a locked facility. I always speak the truth. There hasn’t been one time that you’ve said something more intelligent than me. There will be stories about me in the future, you’ll see, I’ll be a legend forever!” <br />“Sure you will; a legendary asshole.”<br />“That’s good enough for me. Oh, here comes our food,” I said, as the waitress walked towards us.<br />“You mean my food.”<br />“Alcohol is considered a meal to some people.”<br /> The waitress gave Sandy her salad and put the fresh drinks in front of me.<br />“Aren’t you forgetting something?” I said.<br />“The bread will be another few minutes,” the waitress told me.<br />“Thank you,” said Sandy.<br /> I finished my bottle of Heineken as the waitress walked back into the kitchen. Sandy was a slow eater, so I knew I could get at least 2 or 3 more bottles in me before we left. We didn’t talk as she ate, so I looked around at the other customers like they were peasants. I finished my beers and got a few more before Sandy finished, and asked someone beside us if they had a cigarette, but they didn’t. I thought about the piss filled bathroom, and wondered why nobody had complained yet, then considered going back for round 2, but Sandy was just finishing up and I was on my last beer. The waitress came to take the dishes and gave me the bill, which I handed to Sandy, before finishing the rest of my beer. I stood up as Sandy was putting together the money, took one last look at the waitress’ rack, and stumbled outside to piss behind the building in case someone accused me of defiling the bathroom. A family pulled into the parking spot beside the bush I was watering, but I was too drunk to care.<br />“That’s the opposite of what you should be when you’re older,” the father told his son as they stepped out of the car. “Those type of people ruin society.”<br />“Is he a bum, dad?” the son asked, as he watched me zip up my pants.<br />“Yes, son, he is a bum. Don’t stare at him; he might try to rob us.”<br />“I don’t need your fucking money!” I yelled. “I just need to put my fist through your head!”<br />“Oh my god!” the wife shouted. <br />“Get inside, everyone!” screamed the father.<br />“Yeah, you better run! I know who you really are, Superman! You can’t hide from me! Where’s your phone booth? Where you going to change? Get inside, and stay inside!”<br /> Sandy walked out of the front door as the family frantically ran inside.<br />“Were they running from you?” she asked.<br />“No, no, I think they’re just hungry. They asked me for some spare change, the cheap fucks. It’s those types of people that ruin society.”<br />“They didn’t look like they were poor.”<br />“Trust me, Sandy; they were like sewer rats, all of them. The guy even told me he pissed all over the bathroom inside. What a degenerate.”<br />“That’s disgusting. Maybe we should go tell the manager.”<br />“Let’s just get in the car and head to the liquor store. Fuck this place.”<br /><br /> The second we got home I started going through the ashtray for leftover butts. I poured the tobacco out of a few and rolled it into a full smoke as Sandy stood there, staring at me.<br />“Now who’s the degenerate?” she said.<br />“It’s the end of the road here. I’m at the point of no return. I don’t give a shit anymore, I need this.” I lit the cigarette and instantly felt better. “My lungs are in heaven.”<br />“Can you put this shit away?” she said, holding the bags from the liquor store.<br />“Put it away? Give it here,” I said, as I grabbed the bags. “I’m going to start with the rum. You take the white wine.”<br />“Right, right, because you don’t drink white wine. White wine is for pussies.”<br />“White wine is for pussies! Red wine is a man’s drink. It’s bitter and dry, and sometimes rough. White wine is sweet and light, with fancy names like Chardonnay and Riesling. And the way I see it, sweet, light, fancy named drinks are for faggots!”<br /> I finished my cigarette as Sandy got the corkscrew and some glasses. It had gotten a bit cooler since the sun set but it was still warm enough to complain about.<br />“Open the windows while you’re up,” I said.<br />“It’s not that hot out. You’re just warm because you’re drunk.”<br />“Don’t tell me what I am, just open the windows. What does it matter what I’m hot from? Either way I’m hot.”<br /> She opened the windows and the front door, and put the glasses on the table in front of me.<br />“Do you need anything else, because once I sit down and pour this wine I’m not getting up,” she said.<br />“I just need a pack of cigarettes.”<br /> Sandy opened the wine bottle and poured herself a glass. I sat up and filled a glass half full with rum.<br />“Where’s the coke?” I said.<br />“What coke?”<br />“You know; the coke that’s mixed into rum; the coke that is half of a rum and coke; the fucking coke that I need to pour into this glass to have a rum and coke!”<br />“You didn’t say anything about any coke.”<br />“That’s because I thought you were getting it!”<br />“You never told me to get it. You told me to get wine and rum. What’s the big deal anyways, you’re drunk, just drink it straight.”<br />“You don’t know your ass from your hand!” I put the rum in the fridge and grabbed the bottle of red wine from the bag. “Now I got to slam this to feel anything close to what that rum would’ve done to me.”<br />“Or you could just drink it normally like a civilized person.”<br />“Sandy, don’t start with that bullshit. You know my tolerance is incredible. The amount of liquor that I need to get drunk could tranquilize a full grown rhino. So don’t start with that drinking ‘normal’ garbage, because you know I’m not normal.”<br /> She picked up a magazine and sipped on her wine. It was a mutual agreement we made a long time ago that I could drink myself silly and complain about the world and she would either pretend to listen, or listen without getting angry. So I continued.<br />“I could drink a whole bar under the table. It’s weird, you know, I hate Superman so much, but I feel like I’m the Superman of drinking.” I put the bottle to my mouth and let the red wine flow down my throat like a waterfall. “Goddamn that’s amazing! It’s instant gratification. I got to say, I could be a psychiatrist. People would come in and tell me about their problems, they’d cry and I’d call them pussies and whiners and then I’d ask if they drink. The ones that drink and are still bitching like little girls I’ll offer a loaded handgun and a bottle of whiskey to, but the ones that don’t drink I’ll just to prescribe them with 40% liquor. And trust me I’ll change their lives forever.”<br />“Do you even realize what you’re saying half the time? You sound like a maniacal, evil psychopath. You’re saying you’d tell people who come to you, looking for support and medical help, to either get drunk and shoot themselves, or just drink until they forget about their problems?”<br />“You’re just confusing me now.” The wine was sinking in nicely. “I’ll just shoot everybody that looks like Superman. Then I’ll drink, I’ll drink everything I can get my hands on!” I started swaying around the kitchen, trying to catch my balance.<br />“I think you should go to bed. You’re going to fall and break something.”<br />“Maybe you should go to bed! You think I can’t handle this? You think I’m too weak? This is how weak I am!” I held the wine just above my mouth and poured the rest in. Just as I finished I dropped the bottle and the glass shattered everywhere.<br />“Get to bed!” yelled Sandy. “You’re going to ruin the house and hurt yourself!”<br /> I sat down on the floor and stared at the fridge. “Get some coke,” I muttered. “We have to finish the rum. The rum won’t finish itself. Get the rum, just get the rum.”<br /> Sandy came over and helped me get up off the floor. “You’re a real son of a bitch, you know that? It’s amazing how many times I have to help you walk to your own bed.”<br />“I’m still tough,” I slurred. “I’m tougher than tough.”<br />“I know, I know, you’re tougher than Superman.”<br /> I rolled onto the bed and instantly passed out, as Sandy stood there, staring at me, wondering where her life went wrong.Nick Vanettihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04843212637161513878noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1695491057954257105.post-54545944794233566712010-04-13T10:29:00.000-07:002010-04-13T10:30:04.871-07:00Controlthe quickest escape route is not always the safest.<br />I could go on and on about control<br />but,<br />youd never understand.<br /><br />I could explain the feeling of acceptance<br />and<br />having the knowledge<br />of a complete, and finished existence;<br />but,<br />youd never understand.<br /><br />an unfulfilled mind is incapable of grasping the thought.<br />it hasnt reached the finish line<br />yet.<br />I would like to take you with me,<br />but,<br />youd never understand.<br /><br />the distance travelled is unimaginable.<br />a choice has been made,<br />the time<br />is finally set.<br />I could show you what I see, I could paint<br />a picture of my thoughts,<br />but,<br />youd never understand<br /><br />its a lonely road, a long journey,<br />and the ones who<br />understand,<br />are already gone.Nick Vanettihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04843212637161513878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1695491057954257105.post-1308465094003579682010-04-07T08:38:00.001-07:002010-04-07T08:38:42.282-07:00A Classy Broadshe was standing at the bar<br />beer in hand<br />a smoke just resting in an ashtray<br />she leaned back on her left leg<br />as if drunk<br />or just as lazy <br />as <br />the rest of us<br />she had no interest <br />in anyone<br />she didnt care for people<br />all she needed was a strong drink<br />a cigarette<br />and a leg to lean on<br />she had style, she had class<br />she had it all<br />while I sat there <br />watching<br />with half a drink and one cigarette<br />and an empty walletNick Vanettihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04843212637161513878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1695491057954257105.post-33277295895716771682010-04-07T08:16:00.001-07:002010-04-07T08:16:29.080-07:00Shades Of Greyshades of grey wont fade away,<br />on this dark and gloomy<br />rainy day.<br />the damp and cold will stay in place,<br />while the tears that fall<br />embrace the lakes.<br />its safe to say your fate is made,<br />when the break of day<br />erases pain,<br />but in the end you cannot make,<br />the shades of grey<br />just fade away.Nick Vanettihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04843212637161513878noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1695491057954257105.post-22772279823975246362010-03-05T09:33:00.001-08:002010-03-05T09:34:44.061-08:00Freedomthe green grass and blue water<br />makes a red sky<br />much hotter<br />the high mountains and tall trees<br />makes a big wind<br />a small breeze<br />the thick clouds and flowing rivers<br />forces a bright star<br />to glow dimmer<br />from the surface to the core<br />and<br />the land to the sea<br />everything is one<br />as we all<br />stand free.Nick Vanettihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04843212637161513878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1695491057954257105.post-86751809464341423382010-03-01T10:11:00.000-08:002010-03-01T10:13:37.701-08:00Insomniait lingers through the air<br />and flows through the brain<br />darkness approaches<br />words cannot be spoken<br />confusion<br />is arriving<br />the eyes are unfocused<br />the mind is trapped<br />cornered<br />left rotting<br />unable to adapt<br />just a little more<br />it asks<br />just a little more<br />to relax<br />staring straight ahead<br />unsure<br />of realityNick Vanettihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04843212637161513878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1695491057954257105.post-61643228031162121832010-02-15T15:40:00.000-08:002010-02-15T15:41:19.533-08:00Writing While WorkingCertain People<br /><br />As the years pass,<br />people get older,<br />uglier,<br />grumpier,<br />more body hair,<br />less money,<br />theres no end to the cruelty<br />people face.<br />They gain weight,<br />they complain,<br />and complain,<br />and <br />complain.<br />The bickering grows,<br />the whining<br />continues,<br />the simple things they once<br />enjoyed,<br />are now forgotten.<br />They are plagued <br />by age,<br />their only downfall.<br />And by people, I mean<br />women.<br /><br /><br />Infidelity<br /><br />i wanted nothing more than another women<br />but<br />i couldnt end it<br />i just couldnt be the bad guy<br />i cheered for the villains<br />i supported the anarchists<br />i enjoyed chaos<br />but this time<br />i just couldnt be the bad guy<br />it had been 3 years<br />a 3 year decline<br />a 3 year slope<br />3 years of falling<br />until<br />i met her<br />tall and tanned<br />a body so sexy<br />everybody wanted her<br />she was my escape<br />the one i was searching for<br />to have an affair<br />with.Nick Vanettihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04843212637161513878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1695491057954257105.post-27681393047779511952010-02-15T11:36:00.000-08:002010-02-15T13:31:07.316-08:00Writing While Drinking, 2Strange Perspective<br /><br />you would call me a scumbag<br />if<br />you didnt know me.<br />if you knew me, you'd call me<br />an asshole.<br />a scumbag and an asshole<br />follow<br />the same parallel lines.<br />they have the same<br />qualities,<br />they are the same<br />person,<br />there is no difference.<br />they are just two equal ways<br />of telling me<br />im better than you.<br /><br /><br />Hatred<br /><br />a man loves to be hated.<br />he thrives <br />off <br />of it.<br />most see the word hate<br />as<br />very negative.<br />a man sees it as <br />positive.<br />the most significant figures in history<br />were hated <br />more than they were loved.<br />man is king.<br />a king is rarely<br />loved<br />because people<br />are just <br />too hard to please.<br /><br /><br />Sobriety<br /><br />the wind feels the same as it always did.<br />the glare of the sun on the water,<br />the raindrops landing on<br />a dry street.<br />a conversation with an old friend,<br />a conversation <br />with<br />someone new.<br />travelling around the same city<br />you grew up in.<br />listening to the same music<br />you heard<br />15 years ago.<br />christmas dinners, birthdays, <br />and<br />summer holidays.<br />the shoes you wear on your feet,<br />the clothes on your body,<br />the hat on your head,<br />and<br />the watch on your wrist.<br />from the sidewalks you walk on,<br />to <br />everything you know.<br />they will all be the same<br />until<br />you have that first drink.Nick Vanettihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04843212637161513878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1695491057954257105.post-53140458554441656242010-02-12T16:17:00.000-08:002010-02-12T16:25:33.039-08:00The Art Of Welding, Part 1.After a long day at work I was finally off and it was Friday. Before I even left the office I was already on the phone.<br />"Bryan, it's time to open the cages," I said.<br />"Oh, buddy! I just left the liquor store. Jack Daniels holds the key to my cage, and you better believe he’s opening it!"<br />"You're fuckin right he is. I don't give a shit who holds my key; I'm drinking everything. I'll chew through the damn locks, climb out of the cage, and show everyone what a true monster really is!"<br />"You're a sick maniac, you know that Nick?"<br />"Don't fuckin sass me, son. Let me ask you something; is it light or dark out right now?" The sun had been set for over an hour.<br />"What are you talking about?" Bryan asked.<br />"Is it light or dark out right now? It’s a simple question."<br />"It's dark."<br />"Well if you ever want to see the light of day again, don't fuckin sass me!"<br />"You son of a bitch! I don't even have to threaten you back. The amount of drugs and alcohol you consume every week will land you in the hospital soon enough."<br />"Hopefully," I said. "But listen, I’ve got to run home quickly, shower and eat, and then I'll head over to your place."<br />"Fuck eating. Just shower quickly so you don't smell like the greasy wop that you are. You'll get drunk easier if you have liquor for dinner."<br />"Actually, that does sound like a good idea. Wise words from an unwise man. See you shortly." I hung up, got in my car, and drove home as fast as I could.<br /><br /> After a quick shower and a couple of drinks I was on my way to the liquor store. I didn't have much money so I knew I was going to have to settle for some low quality wine. I've realized over the years of my drinking career that wine is best to buy when you're running out of cash. You can purchase quite a lot for a low price, and if you drink it like there’s no tomorrow-and on some occasions hope that there actually is no tomorrow-your head's going to be spinning like a propeller. Once I made it to the liquor store I managed to find a parking spot right in front. I was determined to get in and out in less than a minute so the second I stepped through the door I started yelling at the clerk.<br />"What's your cheapest red wine?!"<br />"This way, sir," a kinky looking brunette said.<br />"I don’t have much money, darling. I need the most red wine I can get for under 20 dollars."<br />She picked up a big, nasty looking bottle of Merlot. "You can get 2 of these for around 19 dollars after tax."<br />"2 of those, eh? How big are they?"<br />"They are 1.5 liters. It says right here." She showed me the label.<br />"Don't get smart with me, hunny. I haven't got time for sass. I'll take both of those; bring them up to the front for me, would you?"<br />"Of course." She picked up the bottles and started walking to the front counter.<br />"3 liters should be enough to shock my brain out of orbit, wouldn't you think? Or I could inject it. Would you recommend injecting it?" I could tell I was frightening her.<br />"Um, what?" she said. "Why would you inject it?"<br />"Well, it's Friday. If you don't come close to ending your life from abusing some sort of substance in an unnatural way you basically have no reason to live. Don't you agree?"<br />"I don't really know what to say to that. I don't party much. I haven't had a drink in a few months."<br />"A few months?!" I screamed in fear as I handed her money for the wine. "It's amazing you're still alive. You probably aren't far off from staring into the barrel of a loaded gun.” I left immediately after saying that before she had a chance to ask security to escort me out.<br /> <br /> As I pulled into Bryan’s driveway I could already tell he was deep into the bottle of Jack. Alcoholic instincts, I guess. I walked into the basement door to find nobody inside. I looked around and noticed the bottle of Jack sitting on the living room table. I picked it up and stared at the little bit that was left in it. My god, I thought. And he thinks he’s going to out live me; not a chance.<br />“Put that down!” Bryan said, as he came out of the bathroom.<br />“Jesus, man. You’re walkin the plank a little early.”<br />“Well, you wanna drink with the big boys or you wanna go home?” <br />“Don’t worry, I got my championship belt on. I’ll be right beside you on that plank in no time.” I pulled out the first bottle of cheap Merlot.<br />“You dirty mother fucker. Why don’t you return some bottles so you can afford some decent wine? The bums on skid row can barely stomach that shit.”<br />“Those scumbags can’t stomach anything. They’d be stomaching harpoons if I had my way with them.”<br />“Amen to that,” Bryan said.<br />“I mean, really, we’re drunks but we still manage to go into work.”<br />“Most of the time.”<br />“We pay our bills.”<br />“Sometimes.”<br />“So what’s their excuse for being such useless human beings?”<br />“They have no excuse. They can’t even speak English properly. They don’t even know what an excuse is. They never went to school, they’re animals!”<br />“They are fuckin animals! Fuck them!”<br />“Fuck them!” We both finished our drinks and poured another.<br />“You got any smokes?” Bryan asked.<br />“Oh, fuck! I knew I forgot something.”<br />“Did a little brunette distract you from your priorities?”<br />“Actually, yes, there was a little brunette. She was alright. It wasn’t the typical distraction from a big rack or a junky ass though. I was just going off about things that will probably have her terrified for the next few months.”<br />“What did you say to the poor girl?”<br />“I said something about injecting the wine. I also accused her of being a suicide case. She had it coming though, once she sassed me. I just couldn’t hold back.”<br />“Atta boy. Fuck her. Let her rot on skid row with the rest of them.” <br />“Exactly."<br />“I guess I’ll have to call Doug to pick up some cigarettes, though."<br />"I guess you do," I said. <br />"I feel bad, it’s his birthday. Oh well.”<br />“You don’t feel bad. Don’t fuckin lie to me.”<br />“Yeah, you’re right. I feel worse for myself having to waste 2 minutes of my life on a phone call.” Just as he started dialing the number Doug walked through the door with a big bottle of rum and a lot of beer.<br />“Gentlemen,” Doug said.<br />“Happy birthday, man!” Bryan said.<br />“Nice to see you, Doug. Happy birthday,” I said as I handed him a shot of Bryan’s whiskey.<br />“Thanks guys. And thank you for the drink, Nick.”<br />“That’s what I’m here for.”<br />“So, got any idea of what you want to do for your Birthday tonight?” Bryan asked.<br />“I was thinkin we should have some drinks and go bowling.”<br />“Drunken bowling!” I shouted.<br />“There’s not much else to do tonight,” Doug said.<br />“I’m down for that,” Bryan said.<br />“So it’s decided then. My 24th birthday will be spent getting wasted and throwing balls at pins.”<br />“And hopefully throwing our balls into the mouths of under aged girls,” I added.<br />“Hopefully,” Bryan said.<br />“You two are fucked,” Doug said as he laughed.<br />We spent the next 2 hours drinking more than we talked. There wasn’t one point where all 3 of us weren’t drinking at the same time. We managed to finish everything except half the bottle of rum that Doug brought. By that point we needed a change of scenery so we went into Bryan’s garage where there were some lawn chairs and a table.<br />“Take a seat guys,” Bryan said. <br />“Pass the rum,” Doug said, as he sat down.<br />I walked over to a work bench where I saw a blank piece of paper and a pencil. This must be fate, I thought. I picked up the pencil and wrote “WELDING CONTRACT” as a title.<br />“What are you doin over there,” Bryan asked.<br />I held my middle finger up without turning around.<br />“Answer me!” he demanded.<br />“Come sit down, Nick, you’re drunk,” Doug said.<br />I finished writing what I felt I had to write at the time and sat down. I didn’t say a word.<br />“What is that? What did you write?” Doug asked.<br />I slammed the piece of paper down on to the middle of the table. I placed the pencil at the bottom. “Sign this,” I said.<br />Doug and Bryan began reading it.<br />The contract read:<br /><br />WELDING CONTRACT<br /><br /> I hereby swear to weld the dates February 5th and February 6th together into one night of mayhem. I will not stop drinking until I am unable to consume anymore alcohol due to unconsciousness or death. I pledge allegiance to the boys.<br /><br /><br />“Welding Contract?” Bryan said. “What the fuck is this. Have you lost your mind?”<br />“Sign it!”<br />They finished reading it and burst into laughter.<br />“Oh my god!” Doug shouted. “That is some hilarious shit!”<br />“Wow! And I thought you were going insane!” Bryan yelled.<br />“Let the welding begin!” I said as I held up my glass.<br />“Hear hear!” Doug said.<br />“Cheers!” Bryan said, as we touched glasses.<br /> <br />We managed to finish the rum and decided it was time to head down to the bowling alley. I folded the contract nicely and put it into my pocket. We’d all surely die without it near us. I was in desperate need of a cigarette after all the liquor so I began smoking the ends of the butts left in an old ashtray while Bryan and Doug attempted to clean up all of our empties. I got my fix and stumbled to my car, opened the door, and sat down in the driver’s seat. Will we even make it to the bowling alley? I turned the car on and reversed over some flowers, attempting to get closer to the garage.<br />“You fuckin maniac!” Bryan screamed. “You destroyed the planter! You’re paying for my bowling and getting some more beer!”<br />I revved the engine and drove forward over a different set of flowers. “That’s for not having any cigarettes, you cheap cunt.” I said. “Now get in the car, let’s go! We got a lot of welding to do.”<br />Bryan hopped into the front seat and smacked me across the face. “You owe me, you piece of shit.”<br />“Whatever,” I said. “It’s not like they were pot plants.”<br />Doug got into the back seat, smoking a cigar.<br />“Where the fuck did you get that?” I asked.<br />“There was a pack of them inside on the table, beside the bottle of Jack Daniels.”<br />“Beside the bottle of Jack Daniels? I don’t remember having any cigars,” Bryan said.<br />“You don’t remember much, do you?” I said. “Well then Doug, give me a cigar.”<br />“I don’t have any cigars.”<br />“You just said there was a pack of cigars on the table inside.”<br />“Yeah, there was. And this is the last one.”<br />“You are such a fucking cunt sometimes,” I said.<br />“Yeah Doug, that was a real cunt move.”<br />“Fuck the both of you,” Doug said.<br /><br /> After a long discussion we decided to stop and pick up some smokes on the way. We thought the liquor store would be the best place to buy them, that way we could get some more alcohol as well. I peeled into the parking lot at the liquor store going about 70 mph without fear, missing a family of 5 by a few feet. There was nothing coming between me and those cigarettes; and the liquor, of course. I parked behind the building in case a cop was around to see us stumble out of the car. We flipped a coin to see who had to go in and buy everything, which turned out to be Doug. It was his birthday, so Bryan and I gave him more than enough cash. Doug staggered inside with haste.<br />“How bad is it that we’re making him do all the work on his birthday?” Bryan asked.<br />“I honestly don’t care. He had the last cigar, we’re even.”<br />“Good point. He can go fuck himself.”<br />“I wouldn’t go that far. We’ll see what brands of smokes and beer he picks up, then we’ll decide if he can go fuck himself or not.”<br />“If I see cheap beer in his hands, I’m gonna lose it.”<br />“If he forgets the smokes, I’ll hit him with my fuckin car,” I said.<br /> Doug stumbled back with a bag full and got in the back seat. Bryan and I just stared at him.<br />“What the fuck are you guys lookin at?”<br />“Show us what you bought,” Bryan said.<br />Doug picked up a case of Kokanee and put them on the empty seat beside him.<br />“And the smokes?” I said.<br />“What the hell is this? You guys are fucked.” He pulled out a pack of Benson & Hedges Black Label; my favorite.<br />“Atta boy!” I said.<br />“We were just fuckin with you, Doug. We knew you’d buy the good shit,” Bryan said.<br />“Whatever. Lets just have a drink while the car isn’t moving.” He passed each of us a beer and opened one himself. <br />“We should shotgun the next ones,” I said. <br />“I bought some red bull too. We should shotgun those.”<br />“Shotgun a red bull?” Bryan said, awkwardly.<br />“I’m in,” I said. “My heart could use a little jolt.”<br />“Come on, Bryan. It’ll fire you up.”<br />“I’m already fired up! But what the hell, I’m young. Pass me one of those suckers.”<br /> We finished our beer and Doug passed around the red bulls. I shoved a key into the bottom to create a hole.<br />“Lets dance!” I shouted. I opened the top and finished it within seconds. I could feel my blood shaking. I felt like screaming. “Holy fuck! That definitely wasn’t healthy. But man, its mixin with the liquor perfectly. Where’s the welding contract?”<br /> Bryan and Doug finished their Red Bull’s at the same time.<br />“Jesus!” Doug said.<br />“My god! We’re probably gonna have a heart attack tonight!” Bryan said.<br />“Guys!” I shouted. “Where the fuck is the welding contract?!”<br />“You put it in your pocket, you drunk bastard!”<br />“Oh, right.” I pulled it out and opened the car door. I looked and saw an elderly Asian couple walking through the parking lot.<br />“HEY! HEY YOU TWO CRAZY ASSHOLES!”<br /> They both saw me and turned away with hesitation. I could tell they wanted to continue looking at me, but they were intimidated by something. Maybe the Red Bull did in fact give me wings?<br />“ARE YOU WELDING TONIGHT? DO YOU WELD?” I continued. “ITS FRIDAY! EVERYBODY IS WELDING!”<br /> They started to pick up the pace and got into their car. I got out and ran over to their window, holding the contract.<br />“SIGN THIS! YOU HAVE TO SIGN THIS IF YOU ARE WELDING. YOU WON’T HAVE MEDICAL IF YOU GET HURT WELDING. AS YOUR UNION REPRESENTATIVE I ADVISE YOU TO GET THE FUCK OUT AND SIGN THIS RIGHT NOW!”<br /> The car started and pulled out in no time. I almost lost a foot under the front tire.<br />“Get the fuck back in the car!” Doug yelled. “You’re going to get yourself arrested!”<br />“They’ll be sorry if they get hurt tonight! I don’t give away free medical!”<br />“Just shut up and get in the car!” Bryan screamed.Nick Vanettihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04843212637161513878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1695491057954257105.post-14690428208496265912010-02-12T08:52:00.000-08:002010-02-12T08:53:26.502-08:00Writing While DrinkingTragic Stories<br /><br />a girlfriend is <br />a book;<br />a tragic story of some kind.<br />complete with a <br />beginning, a climax,<br />and an end.<br />some last longer, and<br />each day <br />is<br />its own chapter.<br />once you finish<br />one,<br />you open another.<br />you can read them twice,<br />but,<br />its never as good.<br />and still, we continue,<br />turning<br />another <br />page.<br /><br /><br />Digging Up The Past<br /><br />It had been 3 years since I saw my ex girlfriend.<br />I was early, waiting <br />at the bar.<br />I wasnt nervous,<br />but, <br />I needed a drink.<br />I ordered a bottle of beer<br />for myself,<br />also,<br />a shot of whiskey.<br />Just as I finished my beer,<br />she arrived.<br />She looked alright.<br />I took the shot of whiskey,<br />she looked better.<br /><br /><br />Hopeless<br /><br />drinking again,<br />finishing my 5th beer.<br />a women standing<br />next to me.<br />shes on her third.<br />its a race<br />to the grave.<br />i buy a whiskey,<br />she buys vodka.<br />we light a smoke<br />at<br />the same time.<br />the hours<br />pass,<br />the brain<br />decays,<br />the eyes continue<br />to lie.<br />she says "hello".<br />i respond,<br />"will you marry me?" <br /><br /><br />Inspiration<br /><br />The streets were quiet as I looked out of <br />the living room window. <br />No cars, no lights, <br />no action. <br />I couldnt think of anything to write <br />and I was alone <br />and I was sober <br />and I didnt have a clue. <br />These nights seem to happen <br />too often. <br />I desperately needed a phone call or <br />someone to knock on the door, <br />come inside, and <br />give me a drink. <br />It could be <br />anyone. <br />A male or a female, or both, or a big group <br />of people. <br />We would talk and laugh about the past <br />and the future; <br />all of us drinking heavily. <br />The hours would pass <br />and my brain would start working<br />properly. <br />They would all leave and I would sit down <br />and finish the leftovers. <br />Then I would have a cigarette and I'd be drunk<br />with a head <br />full of crazy thoughts.<br />Id finish my drink, put out<br />the cigarette, and <br />sit down with my pen and my paper<br />and finally <br />be able to write something.<br />Actually,<br />I <br />just<br />did.Nick Vanettihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04843212637161513878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1695491057954257105.post-6383182231928850522010-02-03T22:45:00.000-08:002010-02-04T09:03:41.997-08:00The Red DoorAfter a long day at work I finally made it home by 5pm. Its Thursday so I still have one more day before I get 2 days off, then its back to the 5 day grind. 2 days off is never enough. We shouldnt work more days than we have off. It should be 5 days off and 2 days on. Even then Id complain. I knew I would be drinking alot on the weekend so I decided not to stop at the liquor store on the way home. Every man should take at least 1 day off before a bender. So I get inside, take off my work clothes and huck them into the laundry basket. Theyll sit there for a week. I walk into the kitchen and open the fridge to find theres nothing to eat for dinner. Now I really want a drink. I look on the bottom shelf where I keep my beer and see that its empty. Is this God's doing? I begin to make my way back to the bedroom to sleep off the hunger for food and alcohol when the phone rings.<br />"This better be good news," I say. I never answered politely.<br />"Oh it is, believe me."<br />"Trent?"<br />"Yeah man. I just picked up a case of beer and a bottle of rum. I know you work tomorrow, along with most people, but why dont you come by for a little bit?"<br />"Fuck, I dont know how you do it Trent. Youve been off work for a few months and you still manage to drink more than me."<br />"Im a pimp. I got your mom workin the late shift tonight. She should reel me in about $40 or $50."<br />"Son of a-"<br />"Hey now! You do want free alcohol dont you?"<br />"Well..."<br />"Come on, dont be a pussy."<br />"You know I cant turn down free beer you dirty bastard. Youre lucky Im all out."<br />"Im lucky? Youre lucky youre the only dead-beat I know who still drinks on work nights."<br />"Im the opposite of lucky."<br />"Unlucky?"<br />"Dont be a smartass. Ill be there in an hour, I gotta shower first."<br />"Ok. Pick up a couple packs of cigarettes on the way over here, Im all out." He hung up the phone.<br />God dammit, I thought. I knew he wasnt going to give me anything for free. Its always something with that guy. Smokes, food, a ride; I cant win.<br /><br /> I pulled up to Trents house around 6:30pm. It was a decent place with a big lawn. There was a small patio on the front with 2 chairs next to the front steps. It was an old house but he recently re-did the roof and the patio. He re-painted the outside, added a brick path from the driveway to the stairs, and a new front door. He loved his new front door. As I started going up the front steps he was coming outside with the case of beer.<br />"Nick, you made it!" He handed me a beer. "You see the new door? Isnt it nice?"<br />"Yeah, its nice. But, why is it red if the rest of the house is white?"<br />"Well, Im Irish. In Ireland, most people have a red door to ward off ghosts and spirits. I learnt that from my grandmother. I like it."<br />"But we arent in Ireland, Trent."<br />"Its called heritage, Nick. Anyways, did you get the smokes?"<br />"I got 3 packs of Benson and Hedges. I should have bought something cheaper, now that I see you didnt spend a dime over 10 bucks on the case of beer."<br />"You dont like Pilsner?"<br />"Oh I do, dont get me wrong. I just dont like to drink cheap beer with expensive cigarettes. Its unbalanced."<br />"Youre a weird guy, you know that?"<br />"Fuck you too, Trent."<br /> <br /> We sat on the front patio for the next hour in silence as the sun went down. The radio was on inside but I could barely hear it.<br />"Bring that radio outside," I said.<br />"I have no where to plug it in out here. Lets just go inside."<br />"Let me finish this smoke first." I took a couple more drags and threw it on the grass.<br />"Hey man! Dont be throwin your butts on my grass. I dont want to have to pick that shit up tomorrow morning."<br />"You dont even have a job. It'll give you something to do."<br />"I have enough to do. I got an 8 hour shift tomorrow at noon."<br />"An 8 hour shift? Doing what?"<br />"Sitting my ass on the couch, haha."<br />"Son of a bitch."<br /> We walked inside and Trent got the bottle of rum out of the freezer. I pulled out 2 glasses from the cupboard and put a couple chunks of ice in each of them.<br />"Do you want any mix with this?" he asked.<br />"What kind is it?"<br />"Cruzan."<br />"Naw, just give it to me straight."<br />"Atta boy." <br /> He filled both glasses full and handed me one.<br />"Jesus man, I gotta work tomorrow."<br />"Its early, Nick. You worry too much."<br />"Im on the edge of getting fired. I cant be hungover."<br />"You wont be. After you finish that we'll have a couple more smokes and then you can go home and get a good nights rest. Youll be fine in the morning."<br /> I knew once I started on the rum I wouldnt be able to leave till the bottle was empty. Trent really backed me into a corner. He knew damn well I wouldnt leave after 1 glass. He walked over to the radio.<br />"What station should I put on?"<br />"Some old rock," I said. I only listened to oldies when I drank.<br /> Trent changed it to a classic rock station then went to the bathroom. I walked over to the back window to see if he had done anything with the backyard yet. The last time I was here the grass was all torn up and he was in the middle of redoing all the planters. <br />"Still redoing the yard back here eh?"<br />"Yeah! Im gettin a couple of guys in next week to help me finish it!" he yelled from the bathroom.<br /> Where does all the money come from, I wonder. I finished the rest of my glass and got some more ice. Just before I put some ice into Trent's glass I saw there was still some rum in it. I finished it and put the ice in, then filled both our glasses to the top. I heard the toilet flush.<br />"Did you finish my glass?" Trent asked.<br />"No, I just added more rum."<br />"What about work tomorrow?"<br />"What about it?"<br />"Are you going in?"<br />"Yeah, I have to. Ive been coming in hungover too much lately and my boss caught me sleeping a couple times."<br />"Oh, shit. Tell him you have a condition. Tell him you cant help it and your medication makes you fall asleep."<br />"That wont work."<br />"Sure it will. Every boss will back down when an employee has a medical condition."<br />"Look, you have your red door and your backyard. Leave the stories and the lies that I tell my boss to me."<br /> We finished our glasses as an old blues song played on the radio. I got up to go to the bathroom and felt the drunk hit my legs. It always hit my legs first.<br />"Where you going?" Trent asked.<br />"Bathroom."<br />"Dont be snortin anything in there. I just cleaned the counters today."<br /> I ignored him and went down the hallway and into the bathroom. I turned the water on and let it run. I pulled out a little baggy with some cocaine and a credit card from my wallet. I chopped it all up on his clean counter top. Fuck him. Hes lucky Im not using a razor blade. I set up a couple big lines. Ill pay for this tomorrow, I thought. I snorted them one after another then flushed the toilet so I didnt seem suspicious. That hit the spot.<br />"Damn, Ill probably get fired tomorrow."<br />"Probably."<br />"Ah well, its worth it. Fuck my boss. Fuck it all actually, lets finish that bottle."<br />"Slow down Nick, whats gotten you all riled up?"<br />"You did. You got me all riled up by forcing me to drink tonight."<br />"I didnt force you to drink. You forced yourself to drink. I just supplied the alcohol and you couldnt help yourself."<br />"Youve been shovin it down my fuckin throat all night! Im onto you, you cock sucker!" The coke wasnt mixing well with the rum. I began to get paranoid.<br />"I havent shoved anything down your throat! Youre lucky I dont shove a goddamn bottle down it right now with the way youre acting!"<br />"Is that a threat? Are you threatening me? Dont you remember what happened last time?"<br />"You mean the time when I was piss drunk and you gave me a cheap shot after I called your woman a whore? Youve always been a cheap little cunt, Nick."<br />"Ah to hell with you!" I threw my glass to the floor and it shattered all over the place.<br />"What the fuck! You better get on your knees and clean that up. I dont give a shit if the glass cuts up your legs!"<br />"Dont fuckin push me you piece of shit!" I went in for a right uppercut and missed which allowed Trent to catch me with a knee to the stomach.<br />"You snorted that fucking powder in my bathroom didnt you?! I can see it in your eyes you junkie!"<br /> I caught my breath and went back in with a left. My left was never good but I got him right in the cheek. I followed with a right to his chin and he fell to the floor.<br />"Ill take you to fuckin school son! I snorted this shit all over your clean counter. I used a razor blade and scratched it all up and left the mess for you to clean later. Now get in there and clean it you goddamn fairy!"<br /> He got up faster than I expected holding the bottle of rum which must have fell off the table. He got me right on the side of the forehead. Glass with little drips of blood on them went everywhere. I stood my ground but had to lean into the wall. Trent stood there, breathing heavily, holding the neck of the bottle in his hand. A pool of blood was forming on the carpet as I leaned my head down, staring at the ground.<br />"Its over Nick. Just go home, fix yourself up, and get some sleep. You need your job."<br />"Fuck you," I said. "I dont need shit." Good thing I had those lines otherwise I would be in tremendous pain.<br />"You need to fix that shit up and get to sleep. Im not having you passout here with a head full of blood. I have to clean all this shit up and I cant do it with you around. So just go."<br />"Whatever." I walked out the front and didnt bother to shut the door behind me. What a mess. <br /> <br /> The next morning I wokeup for work at 7am. My head felt like a trainwreck. I could barely focus on anything and my hair was soaking wet. I got up and turned around to look at my bed. There was blood all over the pillow and the sheets. I ignored it; I couldnt be late. I got in the shower and as the water hit my forehead I screamed in agony. Fresh blood started to drip down my cheek. What a mess.<br /> After cleaning up the cut and putting on some clothes I made it into my car ahead of schedule. A rush of fear came over me. I hate driving when Im this hungover. Its worse than driving drunk. I pulled out of the driveway safely and made it onto the highway towards the warehouse I worked at. I passed a few restaraunts along the way but I was in no shape to eat. I drove into the parking lot of my work slowly and managed to park between the lines. I lit a smoke and closed my eyes. I should just drive back home, I thought. Fuck it. I walked inside after my smoke and of course my boss was standing right there.<br />"Well, dont we look pretty," he said.<br />"Thank you, sir."<br />"What the hell happened to you? You said you wouldnt be hungover anymore. Now, not only are you hungover, but your skull looks like someone tried to chop it with an axe. Explain yourself!"<br />"Well, you see, my front door isnt red, sir."<br />"What the hell are you talking about?"<br />"My front door isnt red, sir. I have nothing to ward away any ghosts or spirits. I was attacked in the middle of the night."<br />"You have some imagination, son. Now tell me, who attacked you?"<br />"I was attacked by ghosts, sir. They really did a number on me."<br />"Thats it! Get the fuck out of here! Youre fired! Ive had enough of your shit!"<br /> I walked outside in a confused state. The hangover was overwhelming. I was in no mood to sleep after what just happended so I got into my car and took my cell phone out of my pocket. I wonder what Trent is doing right now.Nick Vanettihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04843212637161513878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1695491057954257105.post-59058560321690427712010-01-24T15:11:00.000-08:002010-01-24T15:16:27.775-08:00Jessica's AssI didn’t know what to say. My mind went blank for a minute. I took a sip of my beer and felt better.<br />“Go fuck yourself”, I said. “Grab your shit and get the fuck out of my goddamn house!” I was an asshole.<br />“Fuck you! You call yourself a man? You’re a low-life! You don’t have what it takes to be a man!”<br />“I am more of a man than anyone you’ve ever been with! You’re just a whore! I bet you were a whore in high school! I bet you were a whore when your daddy read you stories as a little girl!”<br />“You’re disgusting! I hate you! I hate you! I wish I never met you!” She stormed out with only half of her belongings. As the door shut I imagined a coffin closing. I need her. I love her. I finished my beer and went to bed.<br /> I woke up the next morning to the phone ringing.<br />“Hello?”<br />“I need to get the rest of my things.”<br />“What for?”<br />“I’m moving into Jessica’s apartment for a while.”<br />“Jessica’s a skank.”<br />“See! You can’t go 2 minutes without acting like an asshole!”<br />“You need people like me!” I yelled. “To point your fucking fingers, and say…”<br />“Just stop it! I’ll be by in an hour and I would like it if you weren’t there!” She hung up.<br /> Interesting, I thought, being told to leave my own house. I walked into the bathroom to take a piss. Before lifting the toilet seat I looked into the mirror, “Asshole,” I said. I flushed, washed my hands and combed my hair and slowly made it into the kitchen. I knew I wouldn’t be able to eat anything because of the hangover so I gathered up all the beer bottles from the night before and poured the remaining beer from each of them into a glass. I was broke. I could apply to jobs that I didnt want; I could work for companies that I didnt have to work for; I could even go to school and end up making more than three people make combined; but whats the point? I was content collecting unemployment cheques and having just enough money for alcohol, cigarettes, and some food. I mainly ate sliced bread folded with beans stuffed into the middle. On Sundays I'd walk to the local shelter and pretend I was homeless to get a couple cans of beans for free. It was worth the effort.<br /> I could hear someone struggling to open the front door for a few seconds and then it opened. <br />"I thought I told you not to be here."<br />"What’s the matter, no hello?"<br />"After all the shit you've done to me, you think you deserve a hello?"<br />"How bout a blowjob?"<br />"Ugh, you're hopeless." She walked into the bedroom.<br />"How long are you going to stay at Jessica's for?" I asked. She didnt answer. "Do you think you could lend me a little bit of cash to get me through the day?"<br />She walked back into the living room with the rest of her things. "You mean to get you drunk for the day?"<br />"No. Why do you always have to be so aggressive? Here, have a sip of my beer, its fresh."<br />"Why do you always have to be so drunk?"<br />"Im not drunk. A man has to eat and I dont get my cheque until tomorrow morning. Im starving."<br />"Fine," she said. "This is all the cash I have." She handed me $20.<br />"You see, we fight and fight over nothing. Add a little money into the mix, and were fine," I said.<br />"No. Were far from fine and we dont fight over nothing. We fight because you're an asshole and all you do is sit on you're goddamn couch drinking beer. I cant take it anymore."<br />"I think you just need to relax. Youre too up tight."<br />"I'm not up tight! I just cant take anymore of your shit! I have to go. Jessica is waiting outside in the car."<br />"Jessica is here? Well tell her to come inside! You know how much I like her ass. Plus, I heard she puts out."<br />"You're awful!" she screamed. "Just awful! Jessica hates you, she always has! I hate you! Most of your friends hate you!" She walked out and shut the door. I didnt imagine a coffin this time. I sat back on the couch and finished the glass of beer. I thought of Jessica's ass.Nick Vanettihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04843212637161513878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1695491057954257105.post-58871145925884462962010-01-23T11:52:00.000-08:002010-01-23T11:55:02.088-08:00UnleadedLet’s face it, sobriety is boring. Sure, you can try to have fun, but without drugs or alcohol (or both on some occasions) you have to actually do things. You have to go out, spend money, plan things, make some phone calls, and worst of all, you usually will end up talking to a lot of people you don’t even know. Some people consider that fun, but I consider that an act of rape on my soul. I don’t take too kindly to people, frankly, I just don’t like them. The difference with drugs and alcohol is, you don’t have to do any of that. You could sit at home on the floor and have a good time. There’s no unnecessary run around to gain happiness and a certain level of enjoyment. I’ve heard a lot of people ask me, "Do you only write about drinking and drugs? Can't you write about anything else?" Its questions like these that feed my hatred towards most human beings. There are very few occasions that I don’t have a drink in my hand when I write. Hell, there are very few times PERIOD that I don’t have a drink in my hand. So really, almost everything I write is going to involve substance abuse in one way or another. Although I’ve slowly cut down on the drugs, they still linger around the odd night. I used to be heavy into the drug scene till one day I told myself, "I need to get my priorities straight. I’m not a drug addict, I’m an alcoholic." And that was that.<br /><br /> It was a sunny afternoon around 2pm and I had just woken up. I was hung over like most of the time I woke up but after so many times the subnormal mornings were the ones when I wasn’t hung over. I could only remember bits and pieces of the night before, which led me to believe it was a great night. I could breathe out of my nose perfectly and still had some cash in my wallet so I knew I didn’t get into any cocaine. Everything seemed OK except for the intense headache that kept pounding at my temples. There was no way it was caused by the alcohol alone, so I decided to phone my buddy Richard since it was his house I was drinking at the previous night.<br />He picked up the phone but it was silent. “Rich?" No answer. "Wake up Rich!”<br />“Hey, yeah... what’s up?” he mumbled.<br />“Not much man. Just feeling a little fucked up from last night. I feel like a god damned train wreck. I probably look like one too.”<br />He laughed and then began coughing; he was a chronic cigar smoker. “It was a wild night,” he said. “I’m surprised we’re still alive.”<br />“I usually say that every morning. We’ll probably die by the time we’re 30.”<br />“I give myself another 2 years max.”<br />“You might be able to squeeze in a 3rd.”<br />“I hope not.”<br />“I agree. But anyways, the reason I’m calling so early is to ask you what kind of shit we got ourselves into last night?”<br />“Unleaded.”<br />“Unleaded? What do you mean unleaded?”<br />“Dude, we drank a shitload of gasoline last night.”<br />“What the fuck?! Why the hell would we drink gasoline?!”<br />“”Why do we do any of the things we do?”<br />“Holy shit, that can’t be good for the body.”<br />“Probably not. There was one point when I looked over and something must have snapped in your brain. All of the sudden you picked up the bucket of gas and slammed back almost a whole liter of it. Then, not even 10 seconds later you puked it back up all over the carpet. I’m not sure if it was the vomit or just the fact you drank gasoline that ruined your chances with this chick you were working on, but it was worth it."<br />“Holy shit! That does sound like it was worth it. That also explains how messed up my head is right now. Where did we even get the gas from?”<br />“My lawnmower. I don’t know what we were thinking. Im pretty sure we ran out of beer after the liquor stores were closed."<br />“Well, at least I didn’t put anything up my nose. A little gasoline never hurt anybody.”<br />“Yeah, we’ll be alright. The Indians on the East Coast huff the shit day and night. I haven’t heard of any of them dying yet.”<br />“I’m sure we’ve put worse things into our body. Lets just not make this a habit, alright?”<br />“Deal,” Rich said.<br />“How bout’ we head down to the casino and catch some breakfast and play a few hands?”<br />“Sounds good to me. Pick me up in 20 minutes, I need to shower first.”<br />“Alright, see ya then.” I hung up and went to the fridge to chug back some water to regain some life. I knew we’d be drinking heavily the minute we walked into that damn casino.<br /><br /> I drove up in front of Richard’s place and pulled over to the sidewalk. Sure enough, he comes out holding a tall Budweiser. <br />“Goddamn! I need a real drink. This warm beer tastes like shit,” he said.<br />“Let me get a swig of that.” I took a big pull and nearly finished what was left.<br />“That does taste like shit,” I said. “Reach into the back seat, I think I got a bottle of rum somewhere.”<br />“Atta boy.”<br /> He found the bottle and we passed it back and forth on the drive down to the casino. It took about 20 minutes to get there and by that time we had finished the entire bottle. We slowly made it across the parking lot with the intention of winning money and getting pissed drunk for free. We walked inside, got ID'd by the asshole at the front door-which does in fact make you feel young-but not in a good way. It makes you feel like a virgin again that's never touched a pair of tits. Anyways, Richard immediately threw 20 bucks down at the blackjack table. Win. I put down 40 like an idiot. Lose.<br />"Fuck this, I need a drink. You're buying the first round you lucky son of a bitch." <br /> He put down another 20. Win. "I'll get the 2nd round too," he said.<br />"You dirty bastard!"<br />"Excuse me, sir, could you watch your language at the table?" the dealer politely asked me.<br />"I just lost 40 bucks in 3 seconds, so I'll give you two choices. You can either give it back, and I'll clean up the language, or you can suck my di-"<br />"Sorry, we're leaving!" Richard said as he pulled me away from the table. "What the fuck man! I just doubled my money off that prick. Don't screw this up, its the only blackjack table open right now. Lets go get a couple of drinks and hopefully they'll switch dealers."<br /> <br /> We walked over to the bar and I sat down at a table while Richard ordered our drinks. A fine little blond sat at the table next to me.<br />"Any luck today darlin?" I asked.<br />"A little bit," she said. "I'm thinkin of workin the craps tables. How bout' you?"<br />"I pulled in a couple hundred at blackjack. Let me buy you a drink, we'll celebrate."<br />"Sure. Get me a screwdriver, double."<br />"Sounds good, I'll be right back." <br /> I'd sure like to screw something right now, I thought. I walked over to the bartender where Richard was waiting for our drinks.<br />"Whats taking you so long?" I asked him.<br />"There was a lineup."<br />"Well, do you mind sitting over here for a bit?"<br />"You think you got a shot with that blond? You don't have a chance."<br />"Why do you say that?"<br />"She was at the party last night. Its only a matter of minutes before she remembers you puking on the carpet after chugging gasoline."<br />"Oh shit! Are you sure?"<br />"Yeah, man. Her name's Gloria. I'm not sure who she came to the party with, but I remember meeting her."<br />"I don't think she'll remember me,” I said. “After all, she is a blond."<br />"A damn fine blond, so don't fuck it up! You got 20 minutes." He walked over to the end of the bar and sat down. <br /> I ordered a couple screwdrivers, double, and went back to Gloria.<br />"There you go." I said as I put the drinks on the table.<br />"Thanks a lot!"<br />"No problem. So, what's your name?"<br />"Gloria," she said. "And what do people call you?"<br />"Nick."<br />"I feel like I've met you before," she said. "You look familiar."<br /> A rush of paranoia came over me. "Uh, well, I guess I just have a familiar face. I would've remembered meeting you."<br />"You look like a drinker. You probably don't remember very many people."<br />"Well, I am a drinker, you're right. But I'd remember someone that looks as good as you."<br />"I'm flattered, but I should also tell you that I have a boyfriend, so this drink is as far as we'll go."<br />"I'm not interested in your boyfriend. I'm interested in you."<br />"You're funny," she said. "What do you do for a living?"<br />"I used to be a city worker but I quit to try to make it as a writer."<br />"How's that working out for you?"<br />"Well, I haven't made any real money yet. I make more here at the casino. What do you do?"<br />"I'm a dental assistant. It's alright I guess. I only work 3 days a week and make enough to pay the rent and play the tables here."<br />"A real gambler eh? Do you like to fuck and drink a lot as well?"<br />"Excuse me?"<br /> I could feel the rum and vodka flying through my head like a bat out of hell. "Never mind, can you get the next round?"<br />"I thought we were celebrating with your profits?"<br />"Well, that depends."<br />"On what?"<br />"How long you plan to sit here before going back to my place."<br />"Look, you seem like a nice guy, but I already told you I have a boyfriend and these drinks are as far as I'll go. I'm sorry."<br />"Oh, cut the shit! We both knew what we were getting into the moment you accepted the drinks. Now, be a doll and come back to my place for a bit."<br />"You're very persistent, aren't you?"<br />"With women and alcohol, yes."<br />"What about gambling?"<br />"Persistence won't help with that."<br />"What will?"<br />"A good woman and a lot of booze."<br />"I like how straight forward you are," she said. "You don't bullshit."<br /> I could hear an echo of laughter in my head. "I don't lie to women, and I wouldn't bullshit you." Now I was just putting on a show. I looked over to see if Richard was still at the bar but he was gone.<br />"How far away is your place?" she asked.<br />"It's only a few blocks from here. Did you drive?"<br />"Yes, I parked in the underground."<br />"OK, lets take your car then."<br />"Didn't you drive?"<br />"No, I always walk here. I'm a bit of a fitness freak." The button on my pants fell off as I stood up.<br />"You don't look that fit..."<br />"Babe, I got the body of an athlete hidden underneath these clothes." My stomach started slowly climbing over my belt. "We better hurry up before my pants fall down."<br />"Oh baby!" she yelled. She had no idea about the button.Nick Vanettihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04843212637161513878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1695491057954257105.post-107939330764725142010-01-21T18:58:00.000-08:002010-01-21T19:06:39.741-08:00Sleeping On The CouchI had just gotten home from the bar. It was late and I was tired.<br />"Where were you?"<br />"I was at the bar," I said.<br />"With who?"<br />"Why does it matter?"<br />"I guess it doesn’t, nothing does," she said in a nasty tone.<br />"Alright." I sat down on the couch beside her. She was a good woman; short, brunette, with big tits, a big ass, and a tiny waist; just how I like it. I picked up the remote for the TV and changed the channel.<br />"What the hell are you doing?"<br />"What?"<br />"I was watching my show."<br />"I hate that show."<br />"I don’t give a shit. You go out all night drinking and come home and expect to run this place like I don’t even exist. I only exist when you’re horny."<br />"Are you asking me to fuck you?" I said. I was a cheeky bastard.<br />"Oh go to hell!" She stormed out of the room. Finally, I thought. I never enjoyed talking to her after the bar. She hated when I went to the bar.<br /><br /> After an hour of watching meaningless television I went upstairs to the bedroom. There she was, already asleep on her side of the bed.. I got in as softly as I could and put my arm around her. She moved to the edge of the bed so I couldn’t reach her. It was a big bed.<br />"Come on babe, I’m sorry."<br />She didn’t answer.<br />"Let me make it up to you."<br />She turned towards me, still on the edge of the bed. I looked into her eyes.<br />"You’re as beautiful as the day I met you." I said, mildly sarcastic.<br />"I hate you," she said, as a slight smile grew on her face.<br />I threw the sheets off the bed. She was naked.<br />"Hey! It’s cold!"<br />"Don’t worry babe, Ill warm you up." I crawled down and spread her legs.<br />“My god is that ever beautiful!” I shouted.<br />“Would you hurry up down there!” she screamed. Before I could say anything more she grabbed the back of my head and shoved my face right in there. No time to waste.<br />"OOOHHHH!" she moaned. "OHHH YESS! YESSS!” My tongue worked magic.<br />I could never fully concentrate while pleasuring a woman. I mean, I was there physically, but mentally I was usually somewhere else. I started to think about what women really want. It seemed so easy to fix things. Men don’t need to buy them gifts, write them poems, be there when they are sad, offering a shoulder for them to cry on. All we needed was a tongue and a little attitude.<br /><br /> It took 10 minutes, a sore neck, and a cramped tongue to get her to finish.<br />“Good thing nothing comes out when you finish,” I said.<br />“Do you have to ruin this moment for me every time? And by the way, not all women are the same. Some women have ‘stuff’ come out when they finish. You’re just lucky, even though you don’t deserve to be lucky.”<br />“Who does deserve to be lucky?”<br />“I don’t know. But I know its not you.”<br />“So is it my turn?”<br />“Your turn? I thought you were making up to me for acting like a jerk before?”<br />“I was. But now I’m hard, horny, and tired. So get to work babe! I want to get to sleep some time tonight!”<br />“You’re such an asshole! I’m not giving you shit!”<br />“Fine, be a cunt.” I got out of bed and left the room. After I rinsed my mouth out in the bathroom I went into the kitchen to grab a beer from the fridge. There was one left. Damn, I am lucky after all. I walked over to the table and sat down to look out the window. I could see a couple people walking down the street under the moonlight, laughing and drinking a bottle of rum or whiskey; some kind of dark liquor. There’s a few more lucky son of a bitches. Now, I thought, which couch would be most comfortable to sleep on tonight?Nick Vanettihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04843212637161513878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1695491057954257105.post-18187945329126513672010-01-20T08:06:00.000-08:002010-01-20T10:10:30.639-08:00True LoveIt happened just a few weeks ago. I found the one thing millions of people search for their whole lives; I found true love. It was a regular day, mid week, and I had just gotten out of bed. Once again I had a late night at the pub, so I stumbled down the hallway and made it to the bathroom. After throwing up the demons and having a shower my stomach was ready to take in some food. I made myself a pot of coffee, with a touch of Baileys, and by a touch I mean at least half the pot. I cooked up some eggs but I didn’t even bother eating them. After I finished the coffee mixed with glory I was late for work, but I was feeling good. And that’s what it’s all about, right, feeling good? Fuck off. Once I found my car keys I was on the road. With a lit cigarette, some classic rock, and the sun shining I was in paradise. Too bad I was heading to work. Most days while driving to work I would try to come up with a plan to softly crash my car, leaving my body unharmed but the car damaged enough that I wouldn’t be able to go into work. This day was different. I had a date setup that night at 8 o'clock with a girl I had been seeing for a few months. I could tell she wanted to make it official but I hadn't been ready until that very day. I thought to myself, "This is it. Today I'm going to do it. I'll make it official, right after I finish a bottle of rum." <br /><br />I managed to make it through the day at work; only god knows how. There's so many sharp objects and heavy blunt weapons at the warehouse I work at I'm surprised to make it home every night. Everyday the exacto knife gets just a little bit closer to my wrist when Im cutting open a box. Help me. Anyways, on the way home I picked up a pizza to get that marinara flowing through my Italian blood and then I stopped at the liquor store by my house. As soon as I walked through the main entrance I felt a rush of ecstacy come over me. I thought to myself, "If this isn't heaven, I dont know what is." I headed straight to the rum aisle. The second I got there my eyes were locked on a bottle of Cruzan. I almost fainted just staring at it. I picked it up immediately, paid for it and left. The first thing I did when I got home was pour a rum and coke-half and half-and sat down. For that moment, and that moment only, I was a king. I heard the phone ring a few times as I was finishing my drink but I was in no mood to answer it. I checked the caller ID to find it was-Richelle-the girl I had been seeing. I called her back and we confirmed our plans were still set for 8pm. I hungup, poured another glass, and watched the sun set.<br /><br />By the time 8pm rolled around I had consumed over half the bottle. I began hoping Richelle wouldnt even show up just so I could sit in peace, finish my rum, and not have to talk to anybody. I enjoyed solitude. Sure enough, just as that thought passed, the doorbell rang. "Richelle! Hows it going?" "Oh you know, just a little tired from work," she said. "Don't you work as a hostess...?" "What does that mean? Im not allowed to be tired? Its not as easy as you think." "Oh no, of course not. I didnt mean it like that. I know a hostess has to go through excruciating physical exercises and mind blowing tests to be qualified for the job." "You're such an asshole, Nick. Are you drunk?" "Am I ever sober? I asked." "I dont think I can do this anymore," she said. "Do what?" "Everytime I comeover you're either getting drunk, already drunk, or wanting to get drunk. I feel like I have to compete with a bottle of fucking alcohol!" "Nobody can compete with my rum, baby." "See what I mean!" "Just calm down, darling. Have a glass of rum." "No! Unlike you, I dont need alcohol to relax." "How about a Xanax?" "You're a child! Im leaving. Call me if you decide to grow up." She walked out the front and slammed the door. Thank god that was over, I thought. I sat back down on the couch and lit a cigarette. As I watched her car drive down the street I felt an enormous amount of relief. I picked up the half bottle of Cruzan, "Looks like its just you and me, buddy." After taking the cap off I tilted my head back and let the rum flow into my mouth like Niagra Falls. It was glorious. I had a long pull, put the bottle down in front of me, and stared at it. "What would you say if I told you I just found true love?" Realizing I was talking to a bottle of alcohol, I quickly snapped out of it. Now, I thought, where did I put that Xanax?Nick Vanettihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04843212637161513878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1695491057954257105.post-6868299333806446552010-01-19T11:28:00.000-08:002010-01-19T17:42:17.098-08:00The Big ThreeThere's three things I hate-old women, young women, and drunk women. Drunk women can be tolerable at times, they are more of an annoyance. The hatred comes in once the bantering and hollering starts to take place. That's when I can't help but imagine her being put down like a dying dog at a veterinarian's office. Its odd that I feel this way because ironically there are three things I think a girl should love to do-fuck, gamble, and yes, frequently drink. If she doesn't like to drink that means she likes to think and I just cant deal with a woman like that. If she doesn't like to gamble that means she doesn't like to take risks. A girl that doesn't enjoy taking risks is afraid to try new things in bed, and I just cant deal with a woman like that. Lastly, if she doesn't like to fuck then I simply have no use for her. Now, most women who read this will probably be thinking, "I dont enjoy doing any of those things. Does that mean men will hate me?", and the answer is yes, men will hate you. In fact, men probably already hate you. Its natural for a man to hate a woman until they have sex. Even then, depending how it was or if the guy can remember it, there's still a strong chance you'll be hated. Most guys just don't have the time or patience to deal with the baggage, and the ones that do have the time and patience are basically females themselves. The funny thing is, its the guys not willing to make time or have patience that the women really want. If you see a couple that have been together for more than 3 years, she settled. Women have to settle. They were born to settle. They take everything they can get no matter what it is just for the sake of having it. A guy on the other hand doesn't have the option to settle. We dont even know what settling is. Were the exact opposite; we aim our sites a little too high. We don't care about rejection, humiliation, or embarrassment. Our whole existence is an embarrassment. We just hope to manipulate the very soul of a woman and bend the truth as much as we can as long as she doesn't find out before a little bit of sex takes place. Either that or we pray she is an easy drunk that continually loses her memory. Anyways, aside from everything, remember the big three. You'll find her at a horse track or a casino bar. You might even find her at one of the local low quality bars giving the bartender her last dollar to suck the straws in the leftover highballs from the afternoon rush. To me, thats a lady.Nick Vanettihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04843212637161513878noreply@blogger.com2